This time last year I was 14 weeks pregnant. It's crazy how much has changed since I took this picture!
So that's all. Here's to making 2010 the best year ever!
This time last year I was 14 weeks pregnant. It's crazy how much has changed since I took this picture!
So that's all. Here's to making 2010 the best year ever!
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 4 comments
I know I already posted once today, but something has been bothering me...
My mother and I got into a heated "conversation" over the weekend because I chose to come down on the opposite side of an issue.
A little background: my mother is best friends with my best friends' mother (did I lose you?) and she happens to be staying with my parents right now (long story). So anyway, my best friend, N, and her family came out from Texas to spend Christmas here. While N was here, her mother, M, did something that really upset N. She gave N's son, G, some coffee. G is two years old and hadn't had so much as a soda up to that point. The kid even gets watered down apple juice. So N tells her mom to not give G any more coffee. M responds that N needs to lighten up and that a little bit won't kill him and then proceeds to give him another sip. I think you can guess what happened after that.
I happen to agree that no one has any business giving a two year old coffee, especially if the child's mother says not to do it. At that point, it becomes a question of whether or not you're going to respect the parent and the way she chooses to raise her kids. Telling her to "lighten up", in my opinion, is disrespectful.
My mother came down on the opposite side stating that N blew the situation out of proportion and that she overreacted by yelling at her mom for giving G coffee. My mom also used the "it's not going to kill him" argument and is now starting to make it seem like N was the one in the wrong.
I know N is really upset that her mother trivialized her concerns and made her feel stupid about the decisions she's making with G. Now I'm upset because I see my own mother starting down the same path. I got upset when my dad gave Little Man a little lick off his ice cream cone. I don't like that they bathe him in the kitchen sink. I hate that my mother pushes formula over BM only because it gives her more opportunities to feed him. It drives me bonkers when my grandma makes Little "tell" me things; "Mama, my feet are cold, I should always have socks on." "Mama, I'm staaaaaarving, when are you going to feed me? Do you want Nana to give me a bottle?" " Mama, how come you won't let me stay the night at Nana's house? Don't you trust her?" And all of this in what is supposed to be a cutesy baby voice. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to yell at them to mind their own damn business and let me raise my son. I know the minute I say anything negative to them, they'll take it to the extreme and when I do need their opinion on something, they'll not want to give it to me because I'll "get offended". Why does everything have to be such a high wire act?
So loyal readers, what do you think? When my mother attempts to give Little Man coffee sometime down the line, do I say something or let her do her indulgent Grandma thing and bite my tongue? And at what point do you put your foot down and say "Not my child!"
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 5 comments
I was tagged by both Mrs. Foreste and Leenie to do a TAM post. So here are five things that make me a Truly Authentic Mom:
1. Little Man's diaper bag is filled with stuff that he MIGHT need; a paci (which he's never used), an extra package of wipes (in addition to the travel container I fill every day), two extra sets of clothes (because he once had two blowouts in one day), his hair brush (don't really know why), nail clippers, two blankets, and a few toys. Ok, the toys he needs pretty much all the time, but what is with everything else?
2. I'm obsessed with making him "smell like a baby". I can't stand it when he smells like spit up or poo; he has a bath every night and I always use the Johnson's baby lotion 'cause that's my idea of how babies should smell.
3. Every article of clothing I buy now has to meet three baby-related requirements:
a ) It has to be baby friendly... as in NOT dry clean only.
b ) Feeding friendly. I buy a lot of button up tops these days.
c ) Soft... 'cause I don't want my baby's precious cheek resting against something that isn't a soft as a cloud.
4. I feel sooooooooo guilty after drinking even one glass of wine. I know it's only one glass, and its only 6% alcohol, but it seems really indulgent to me. And semi-irresponsible because I'm BFing. (Yes, I know I'm completely irrational)
5. I take everything so damn seriously now! I used to have a sense of humor, but ever since this little guy came along, I take everything literally. It sucks, I can't take a freaking joke anymore.
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Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 6 comments
I know my last entry sounded pretty bleak, and then I disappeared for the weekend, but I promise I'm ok.
So here's what happened: I was sick as a dog for two days and had to stay home from work. And because M couldn't take Little Man to daycare, I had to care for him while sick. Not the most ideal "get healthy" scenario. He also couldn't take any days off to stay home and take care of me. He couldn't leave even a teensy bit earlier than usual so he could come home and help me out. In fact, the second day, he left at 6 o'clock, an hour later than usual. Upon returning home, he spent an hour in the bathroom (with his IPod, which leads me to believe he wasn't actually "busy"), and when he finally decided to grace us with his presence (not take the baby, but plop his butt in the recliner), I was hit with "Why are you still in your pajamas?" "Why didn't you do the dishes?" "How come you didn't start dinner?"
::deep breath::
Let me paint a picture. I had a monster headache, my body ached all over, I had the chills so bad my teeth were chattering, and I was completely congested. All I wanted to do was sleep, but with Little home, I was only able to sleep when he slept, which amounted to about two hours a day. So for him to come home and say all that and do all that... well, it pissed me right off. In his mind, I was home all day, so I should've been able to take care of all those things. Which on any other day, I would understand, but I was freakin' sick!! I could barely get up to change Little's diaper, I was not about to go wash dishes! We went back and forth for a good half hour, and he still didn't get it. Why is this concept so hard for him to grasp? I swear, when he's sick, it's like the end of the world. He stays in bed moaning and I have to take care of every stupid thing for him.
When Little refused to sleep that night, it was like fire icing on my Hell cake. M has a low threshold for frustration, so we had yet another yelling match; very conducive to getting a baby to sleep, no?
We never fought pre-baby the way we fight now. Does it really take a whole year for a marriage to rebound after the birth of a child? Anyway, we talked again the next day about everything I was feeling. I doubt it sank in this time, but at least I know he's aware of where my head is.
So, I'm feeling better now, but that could just be the passing of time; not necessarily because our situation has improved. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Do I keep talking, or do I accept that this is just the way things are going to be for a while?
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 10 comments
You know how they say to write everything down on paper so that you can get shit off your chest and start feeling better??
I've written three pages. In 10pt type. Single spaced. With .25 margins.
I'm not done.
I could really use some hugs today. And kleenex.
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 13 comments
Yes, that IS an iced coffee beverage from Starbucks. And was worth every penny of the $3.45 that it cost. And it doesn't matter that it's 44 degrees outside. Because last night was the night from Hell and I need caffine to function.
Little decided that he wanted to keep everyone up last night. So now I'm running on probably two hours of sleep. I don't know what was up with him. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't dirty; yet he would.not.go.to.sleep (maybe he's teething)? I think there were actually tears at some point, but I'm too tired to remember clearly. What I do remember is M taking him out of the room because he was afraid that I was gonna lose it and hurt him...
Yeah. Nice huh?
For some reason, if I'm anything less than 100% cheerful, M goes straight to the worst case scenario. Two days after Little came home we were having a similar bad night (because we did not know about this). I was exhausted and frustrated and he wouldn't stop crying; so then I started crying and M became convinced that my tears were because I had post partum depression (I didn't). Him suggesting that really hurt my feelings and made the whole situation worse. It made me feel like I didn't have my partner, ya know? Like I didn't have anyone to lean on. I felt hopeless and like I was already a failure at being a mother. It was like that again last night. Yes, I was tired as hell. Yes, I was totally frustrated. Yes, I yelled at my baby to please, please go to sleep! But I would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt him!
He took Little out of the room and tried to get him to sleep. An hour later he brought him back in because he was still fussing. I popped the boob into his mouth and he finally fell asleep! At 3am M tried to apologize for what he said. I told him that we needed to talk about it in the morning, but I wasn't really to forgive him. He got all pissy. He was mad at ME for not forgiving him for hurting MY feelings! I told him that I wasn't ready to talk about it and crashed.
He apologized again this morning and we talked about it and I forgave him. I hope that he understands how I feel now and doesn't do it again.
And I REALLY hope that I can make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk... or on the freeway!
ETA: If you all wouldn't mind, could you please add my friend LB to your prayers? I think she could use some cosmic hugs and good thoughts today. Thanks!
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 5 comments
Little has started growling at everything!
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 6 comments
I had my annual check up this morning (I know...yay) and it turns out that what I thought was normal after-the-baby stuff may be not so normal after all. My PA was running down her list of questions and the more she asked, the more it sounds like I'm anemic! I'm tired (REALLY tired, even when Little has had a good night of sleep), I'm losing my hair, my hands and lips are super dry, I'm always thirsty, and I have mild constipation.
See? It all sounds like stuff that would happen after a baby, right?
Not so ladies! Not so. Especially when it's not just one or two things, but all of it together. So they took a couple vials of blood to make sure that's what it is. I should have the results back in a day or two. I'm actually hoping that I am anemic so that I can take the iron pills (or whatever I need) and make all the craziness stop. And maybe keep what's left of my hair!
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 4 comments
I'm really tired, so I'm finding it hard to construct a decent paragraph. Bear with me.
It seems that Little has made a liar out of me. Or maybe it's just my own actions coming back to bite me in the ass. I've read about the much-feared "blog about it" jinx, but I didn't think it would happen to me. Ah, how naive I was! Ever since the day after my Awesome Sleeper entry, he's decided that he's too cool for sleep. He wouldn't nap all weekend. He was awake for literally the.entire.day. It's also impossible for me to put him down for the night. He'll be totally crashed in my arms, but the second I lay him down in his crib, his eyes pop open and he's awake again. And I mean AWAKE awake; like slept-for-hours-awake. I don't get it. He's obviously exhausted; yawning, rubbing eyes, the whole nine, but he won't just go to sleep! I had to bring him into bed with us last night because it was 11:30 and the crazy kid was still all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I tricked him to sleep by nursing him lying down. It seems to be the only thing that works. But forget moving him. He will not tolerate being moved to his crib. So he spent the night with us and again decided that he HAD to eat at 2:30. And again at 4:00. ::blinks bleary eyes::
I took Friday off to take Little to the doctor. He's had a really gross sounding cough and a runny nose. So the Ped checks him out and says he has an ear infection in his right ear. I was shocked, he didn't seem to be in any pain at all; wasn't pulling on his ear or anything. So now he has to take amoxicillin twice a day for 10 days to clear it up. We're also supposed to keep up with the humidifier in his room and raise his mattress up so he can be a little elevated to help clear up the congestion.
My parents came over yesterday to watch the Laker game with us ::blocks out memory of the awful game:: and as my mother is rocking him to sleep, he sticks his thumb in his mouth and goes to town on it. He's never done that before! Multiple fingers in the mouth, sure, but never his thumb! Call me a mean mom, but I took it away. My own teeth are messed up because my parents let me suck my thumb; I don't want Little's to get messed up too. Earlier in the day he actually held his bottle. It was only for a minute, but he did it! I tried to capture the moment on camera, but of course, I was foiled again. Darn observant baby who stops doing whatever cute thing he was doing the moment the camera comes out!
I might have to make a trip to see my doc pretty soon. I think I may have a plugged duct. Talk about ouchies!
And finally, I just need to whine for a minute about how much I HATE my job. 'Cause I really do. I hate it with an all consuming passion the heat of a thousand firey suns. My boss sucks; she's probably one of the most passive-agressive people I've ever encountered. I'm not supposed to so much as look at my phone unless I'm on break or at lunch (I don't give a shit about this one, that phone will always be on in case of baby emergency). My wardrobe is being scrutinized like never before. It is now considered "unprofessional" to wear my Laker jersey on casual Friday even though it was perfectly fine for the last three seasons! I could gouge someone's eyes out for that one. Just point me to the person responsible. Oh, and we can't forget that they've blocked access to my favorite internet sites. For this, they shall never be forgiven.
K, I'm done whining. I just gotta remember that I'll be able to walk away from this place forever in just 86 days. And I'm gonna wear my Lakers jersey on my last day, I don't care if it's Friday or Monday! They can just kiss my little tanned patootie!
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 3 comments
Posted by ♥ Lovfer♥ 4 comments