Saturday, September 11, 2010

Still Alive

These past couple of months have been filled with some serious drama and craptastic happenings. Which is why I haven't posted since July. Other than my sweet little guy, there is nothing very little going on in my life that makes me want to post.

I suppose I'll start this post off with some nice things though.

Since we last met, I became an Auntie again. My bestest friend had her 2nd son, Andrew. He's the cutest little thing! And my Little Man:

  • Has become a full time walker/part time runner. When he gets going, he holds his arms out to his sides and looks like ET.
  • Drinks from a straw.
  • Dropped Mama from his vocabulary (which makes me really sad). I know it'll come back, but for now, I'm known as Dada. So not fair.
  • Says "dog" and lovfs to pet them. He'll chase after them if they run away.
  • Pretty much mastered his shape sorting toy. His little face while trying to figure them out is amazing to watch.
  • Has become very interested in books.
  • Waves goodbye to everyone. It's so damn cute.
  • Likes to help with the laundry. And by "help," I mean take the clothes from the basket and throw them on the floor. Then put it all back in the basket.
  • Grabs a rag and helps Mama clean.
  • Went through a phase where he shook his head no to every.single.question. He's now starting to grab the concept of "yes".
  • Tries to brush his own hair, even though there really isn't enough to brush.
  • Dances to other things than the That 70's Show intro.
  • Moved up to size 4 diapers.
  • Has six teeth. Four on top and two on the bottom.
  • Completely come off the boob! We were nursing only in the morning for a couple of months, but his latch changed with the new teeth and became extremely painful. Now he has a bottle in the morning when he wakes up and then goes back to sleep for an hour or two. It's glorious!
  • Knows how to put his arms into the sleeves of his shirt. Mama just has to hold them open for him.
  • Fits into 6-9 month shirts, has a 12 month waist, and 18 month length. Dressing him is easy now because it's still so hot, so he's in shorts, but we'll have a problem once winter gets here. All the pants that fit his long legs fall off his butt, and the ones that fit around the waist are high-waters. I think I might need to crochet up some type of little belt for him. The cost of baby belts is ridiculous.
  • Had his first pool experience.
  • LOVFS getting scared. I'll hide behind a chair and jump out at him and he'll screeeeam and laugh and run away. Then we do it again. And again. And again. It's AWESOME.
  • Stops whatever he's doing and turns to watch TV whenever the Progressive commercials come on. He lovfs Flo!
  • Is still a little cuddle bug, which I LOVF!
I suppose that's all for the happy stuff. You may as well stop reading now if you're in a happy mood, 'cause I'm about to ruin it.

No? Still here?

Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Let me start off by updating on M and I. I really wish I could say that things are all better and we're doing just great, but that would be a lie. There have been more than a few times when I've cried myself to sleep, or cried in the shower, or cried putting away the laundry while he's downstairs watching tv. I've tried again and again to talk to him about things, but we somehow always manage to end up in a screaming match. I've been labled a Dream Crusher. Seriously. He actually said that because I told him that I don't want him to trade his project car for a motorcylce. It's not that I don't want him to have the things he wants, but the thought of him on one of those things scares me to death (especially since he's already wrecked one)! He's even said that he hates me sometimes. That one stemmed from me not helping him change a diaper... yeah... I'll let that sink in for a minute. And no, it wasn't a blow out or anything that would warrant the need for help, it was a typical poopy diaper. I can't even put into words how much that hurt. The most fucked up thing about the whole thing is that once he's done yelling a me, it's done. He doesn't want to hear me anymore. Then an hour later, it's like it never happened. He's back to talking about work or something he saw on tv and even expects a kiss goodnight. I'm starting to wonder if he isn't bi-polar or something. I want desperately to talk to someone about everything, but our insurance sucks so bad that they won't cover it. So I'm basically left on my own, to just deal with it. And I admit that it isn't working very well.

We're also on the verge of losing our home. We bought near the top of the market in 2007 and it's now worth less than half of what we paid. M's pay was cut by about 25% and then I got laid off. He's been "looking" for a better paying job since February, but has only gone on two interviews (one of which was Wednesday morning). He told me when I was pregnant that he'd do everything in his power to keep me home with Little Man, but he hasn't. It's only now that our lender is throwing words like short sale and deed in lieu at us that he has said anything about taking a 2nd job. At this point though, it's not going to help. And I know what you're thinking, "maybe YOU should go back to work." Well you can suck it. I'm am looking. Just not having any luck. And even if I do find something, I doubt it will help much. I would have to find a crazy phenomenal job. One that would cover the difference in our payment AND pay for daycare. I'm doubting that such a job exists. It might have been possible if they hadn't cut his pay so substantially, but now... not so much. Maybe I'll get a miracle.

In preparation for losing or home, I've been looking for another place we can live. I came upon Zillow and found that there are a couple of smaller houses in our neighborhood that are for sale. The monthly payment on those homes would literally be 75% lower than our payment. We could TOTALLY afford that on just M's salary. But with a short sale on our credit, no bank will touch us for TWO YEARS. I talked to four different banks to see if they would help us, and they basically said that someone else would have to buy us the house because they wouldn't give us a loan. I cried again. Then I started looking for apartments. The apartments I found that would be in the same monthly price range as those houses are disgusting! It is making me ill to think that we'll have to live in some crap-hole apartment for TWO YEARS paying the same amount in rent that we could easily pay for our own beautiful home in a nice neighborhood. ILL. I can't go two hours without crying. I'm stressed and depressed and can't think of a way to make it right.

So yeah. This is my life.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Probably by now, most of my readers know that a couple of years ago, I was a "regular" poster on TheBump message boards (mostly on the Getting Pregnant board). We were in the beginning stages of TTC and I found the boards to be a wonderful source of information and daily hilarity. I was fortunate enough to find a group of girls that I totally clicked with. Long story short, crap went down on the board and my group of Interweb Buddies banded together to form our own private board. Almost 2 years has gone by and our board is still going strong. These ladies are, hands down, my very best friends.

So. This weekend just gone by was our 1st Annual GTG. I dropped Little Man off with my mom (who's been dying for a weekend all to herself with the little man) and headed over to LB's house. Girls from all over the country were there; CA, KS, WA, PA, and a whole bunch of other states. We laughed, hugged, lounged in the pool, threw a surprise baby shower for our hostess, barely slept, made up silly songs, and talked, talked, talked. It was completely amazing to me that there was absolutely no weirdness at all. It was truly a group of best friends getting together.

A weekend was not nearly long enough! I literally cried all the way to my mom's house to pick up Little Man. I was so sad when it was all over and all my girls had gone home. I cannot wait to see them all again. MyLovf doesn't know it yet, but I'm already saving up for next year (which is likely to be a cross country trip for me)!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Cool beans!

A bunch of randomness.

Check it out! We put up our new flag in time for the 4th! Lovf it!

All my sibs were in town for the Little Man's encore birthday party. My lil' sis got the weekend off from the army to be there for it... and for Father's Day... and to help celebrate mine and my parents' promotions! Went to PeiWei with her, my mom and my SIL while they were here.

He lovfs their giant spoons.

We all went to Olive Garden for Father's Day. Srsly lovf that place : ) MyLovf bought himself a new knife (from me) and a case for his cell phone (from Little Man), and I completely forgot that it was NOT his 1st Father's Day (I blame postpartum exhaustion). It's all good though, he didn't mind.

The 2nd party for Little Man was very small, but so fun. And NOT because we spent the whole thing playing Mario Kart. OMG I need to get a Wii! And I finally got a pic of Little Man with his Auntie Boo! Yay!

That's all for now : )

Thursday, June 17, 2010


Ok. A TON has happened since my last update, so this is going to be a very long, very picture heavy post. And yes, I realize that the blog wouldn't get this behind if I would just update more regularly. I'm a bad blogger. Blah whatever. Anyways, here we go!

I celebrated my very first Mother's Day! My wonderful boys gave me some beautiful cards and a pair of fancy jammies. It was a pretty awesome day : )

We had some professional portraits done for Little Man's birthday. That baby is so photogenic, they turned out great!

Why yes, I DID put him in his little Lakers onsie for this very important occasion. They won the championship the day after he was born! Go Lakers!

We spent a few days in Cali to celebrate our 4 YEAR ANNIVERSARY and visit friends. And those most awesome friends treated us to a day at... DISNEYLAND!! MyLovf's mama had a free pass that she gave us, but they bought us the other ticket; how sweet are they!? We had a total blast!

Meeting Pluto!

OMG the tea cups were so fun!

Little Man had so much fun he tuckered himself right out!

Little Man's first carousel ride. He started off feeling pretty awesome.

Then as it started to move, he didn't like it so much.

He did not want to have anything to do with it after a couple of turns.

He clung to my arm for the rest of the ride. Poor baby.

He also rode the new Pooh ride, Pirates of the Caribean (he fell asleep on that one!), and a few others. We also met and took pictures with Mickey, but I didn't really like how it turned out. We're such party animals that we closed the park! I was so tired when we finally fell into bed.

The next day I finally got the tattoo that I've wanted for yeeeears! Seriously. Years. I've put it off for a bunch of different reasons, but when MyLovf found his tattoo artist again after losing track of him for like a year, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get ink for the same guy that did MyLovfs' sleeves. I looove it, it turned out so good!


First "taste" of the needle.

Anyone that says getting a tattoo doesn't hurt is lying out of their lying liar hole! It hurts so bad. I actually had to re-employ my breathing techniques from labor to get through it! And other than getting Little's name later on down the line, I don't see me ever getting another one.

All finished!

The design is inspired by a favorite Black Hills Silver ring that MyLovf bought me in Sturgis 5 years ago. It's my second favorite ring besides my wedding set.

On Sunday, we drove up to Hesperia to see our friend Travis' new house! We watched the Lakers lose that game, but my boys had fun playing anyway.

We stayed the night there and headed towards home on Monday morning. Our travel plans conflicted with a visit to AZ by my lil' brudder and FSIL, but we did manage to hook up for a few minutes when we crossed paths in the middle of nowhere.

The Little Man and I went over to the grandparents' house for Memorial Day. And while we were there, he unveiled his latest skill:

Oh yes, I screamed, I was so excited! And then we took this most awesome picture. My new fave of us together.

And then... :sigh:... and then the fateful day dawned. My precious, tiny, little baby toddler turned a year old. We had our customary photo shoot in the recliner, but you can tell that he quickly grew bored of mommy and her camera.

The next day MyLovf and I got up early to get some last minute things for the party and then zoomed home to decorate!

The party was so much fun, but I think Little Man's favorite part was his smash cupcake. He could not shovel that thing into his mouth fast enough. It was so cute!

MyLovf put his first mark on the wall in his bedroom, I can't believe how high it looks!

We took him for his one year well baby visit where he got three shots; poor baby. He is on the lighter side as far as weight goes, but is super tall! Long and lean bebe, long and lean. Doc gave us the go ahead to transition him to whole milk and said he could pretty much have anything that he wanted to eat except for nuts. Those will have to wait till he's 2 (OMG two). His carseat has also been turned to face the front, I can't even imagine how boring it must be to stare that the back seat for hours on end. Now he gets a great view of everything!

So that's all for now folks! I'll probably be updating again in a few days as we are throwing Little Man another party this weekend! FSIL rocked her finals, so she and lil' brudder are driving to AZ as we type... speak... type (?) and my BOO IS COMING HOME!!! After a year in South Korea, she has been semi-permanently relocated to a base in Colorado; she was able to get the weekend away to come see us. I am so beyond excited to see her!

Friday, June 11, 2010

It's Midnight

And it is officially my baby's 1ST BIRTHDAY!

From this,

to this!

::sigh:: Where does the time go?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet Little Man!! I LOVF YOU sooooooooo much!

Pictures and official update will be posted later : )

Saturday, May 15, 2010

11 Months

So my Little Man hasn't pulled any cool new tricks out of his hat since the last update. He's busy perfecting the ones he's already unveiled. One thing I keep forgetting to mention is that he's been in 12 month size clothes since he was about 9 months old. This kid is loooong, I bet he'll be tall! And he's wearing size 4 shoes! He can stand unaided for a few seconds, but he doesn't like to. If I try to push him for too long, he'll get very upset with me. Speaking of getting upset, he's starting to throw tantrums: ugly-scream-at-the-top-of-his-lungs-totally-embarrassing-to-mama tantrums. I hope this is as bad as they're going to get, I don't like that my little guy acts like that. And I am not one to just let him "express himself". I do curb that behavior as best I can when he decides to test the disciplinary waters. It's not so easy though, if I tell him "no" very sternly (and without smiling!), he laughs! He thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever. How can I keep a straight I-mean-business face when he's giggling like that? Man, I'm in trouble. My kid is going to end up walking all over me! All he'll have to do is crack a toothy grin and I'll be like butter in his tiny little hands.

I've been spending my almost non-existent free time trying to plan his 1st birthday party (ahhhhhh!!!). I'm strongly leaning toward a Cars theme (which shouldn't come as a surprise to those who know and lovf me). I lovf cars! I mean, just look at his room! I spent the better part of two nights (after he was snug in his bed) on ScrapBlog designing invitations. Very time consuming but so worth it; they're totally customized and I only spend about 14¢ per print. With postage and the envelope they come out to less than a dollar each! Our biggest concern is that people won't come on account of the distance. Most of our family and friends live in CA, a six hour drive from our home. I know we can count on our family, but the likelihood of our friends making the trip is slim to none, nevermind that we drag our happy asses out there for every one of their kids' parties. Grrrrr. But that's another vent for another post.

An exciting announcement!

There's only one month to go and I get my boobs back! I gave myself the goal to BF for a year and that time will be up in just a few short weeks. I can't believe it. I had such a rocky beginning that I didn't think I'd ever make it here. I've been a food source for my little guy for 22 months! But talk about mixed emotions. I lovf the exclusive time I have with him, I lovf the bonding, I lovf the cute little noises he makes when he knows he's about to get his milk, and I will miss it a lot. But. He's starting to bite when he's done eating (OUCH)! And when I yell from the pain, he laughs. And then he does it again. So yeah, it's about that time. I hope I don't have such a hard time of it with #2. Knowing the end is in sight, I made a trip to VS and got myself a little something special. I can't wait to get out of my nursing bras and tanks. I hate those things! I could never find one in my size that was also in my price range, so I had to buy ones that are too big for me and "stuffing" them with nursing pads. My pretty little thing is hanging up in my closet waiting for me. Not to mention all the dresses and tops that I haven't been able to wear because they aren't BFing friendly. I can't wait!

Update on the marr-i-age...

Things with M are a better version of the same. Does that make sense? I talked to him about everything (again) and he listened (again), but I doubt he heard me (again). He makes more of an effort not to say things that hurt my feelings, but that effort only lasts until he doesn't get his way about something. The hardest part about all of it is that I still can't talk to him. It's like talking with a brick wall. None of my arguments, reasons, justifications, valid points, or straight out rants make any kind of difference. He's right in his mind and it doesn't matter what I say or feel. He is getting better about taking on more of the parenting stuff; I don't have to get after him as much about taking Little Man when he comes home from work and I've actually been able to take showers without being rushed, but that's about the extent of the improvement. I've brought up going to counseling a couple of times, but he's resistant. He doesn't think we need it. I don't know how much further I should let it go before it becomes an absolute necessity.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

One Step Closer to Walking

out the door! OMG I don't think I can handle this! I want my teeny little baby back!