Thursday, August 28, 2008

Pity party for one?

I know testing at 14DPO isn't technically early, but I still shouldn't have done it; AF is not late yet. My temp was still above the coverline this morning so I figured WTH? Well, it was a BFN. Now I'm all sad and feel like a complete dork for testing.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Phantom Symptoms be damned!

I've been having what are probably phantom symptoms since about 8DPO; light cramping, mild nausea and a feeling of "weirdness" in my stomach. Can't really describe it, but it kind of feels hollow... I chalked it up to bad lunch for the first two days ('cause I ate at the same place two days in a row), but I still have it, so that couldn't have been it. I'm happy about that though, I really like that place. I'm also really, really, really tired. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed or how many hours I sleep, I'm still fall-into-bed-without-washing-my-face-or-changing-into-my-pjs tired. This is so messing with my head.

I don't want it to sound like I'm fishing here, but reading back, that's exactly what it sounds like. Meh, too tired to change it now. My chart is looking really good, but then, it's been really good looking for the past two cycles. AF is due on Thursday. If she doesn't show her ugly face, I'll be testing on Friday morning. We'll be in CA visiting my ILs then, so it might make for an interesting weekend. Cross your fingers for me!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

20 Random Things About Me

I was tagged by RedRose to do this. It took me forever to come up with 20 things, but here they are, finally. I'm now tagging everyone that reads this post (because I don't know who does). Hop to it!

20 Random things about me.

1. I hate driving around in a dirty truck, but I also don’t like to take the time out to wash it. Like right now, it’s filthy, and I’m so embarrassed, but will I take it to the car wash today? Nope. Good thing my windows are tinted dark so people can’t see me!

2. I love listening to Dr. Laura. She’s a pistol and always tells it like it is. I realize that there are many, many people out there that despise her, but I happen to think she’s the bestest.

3. I have a black thumb. I’ve killed just about every plant I’ve ever owned. This should not be so, my grandma can grow anything and my mom at least doesn’t kill them. DH won’t let me buy any more plants; says they’re a waste of money.

4. I collect shot glasses. I get one everywhere we go. The only trouble with that is I have no where to display them, so they’re all in storage right now. I must impress upon DH the importance of building me a display of some kind.

5. I love to crochet. Whether it is an afghan or a toy, it doesn’t matter. And I so don’t care if you think that only old ladies to it!

6. I haven’t gotten my hair cut in almost 2 years. Part of it is because I like long hair and DH likes long hair, but the other part is because I don’t trust people. I had a great stylist in CA, but haven’t found anyone in AZ. It’s down past my bra strap now and I see it getting much, much longer.

7. I’ve never actually learned the multiplication tables. I literally have to count everything out if I don’t have a calculator handy. I’m not sure how I’ve been able to get away with this for so long, but now that I’m out of school, I just don’t see the need.

8. I don’t like getting forwarded emails, and I hate getting them when there is no note or comment from the person that sent it to me. If you’re gonna forward me stupid shit and stipulate that I must send it to 10 more people in the next 10 minutes or my mother will die a painful death, at least do me a favor and put a little note for me at the top. It will make the whole “mother dying thing” a little easier to take.

9. I hate having pictures of random things. If I’m going to take a picture, I want someone in it. I don’t like going back through pictures and looking at that building, or that car, or that dog, I want to see someone I know. Otherwise, it’s going to end up stuffed in a box or in the garbage. Waste of money to even get it developed. I will be much more inclined to put it in a frame or an album if someone is in it.

10. My favorite color is pink, but I wear black almost every day. It’s just easier to put an outfit together and I don’t end up looking like I stepped off of the Good Ship Lollipop.

11. I'm a sucker for baked goods. Doesn’t matter what it is; cake, pie, donut, bagel, cinnamon roll... if it’s in the office, I will have some. I’m pretty sure this little vice has, in some ways, contributed to the 15 pounds I’ve gained since I started working here...

12. I used to play the trumpet. I wasn’t very good, and I gave up shortly after taking it up, but I can proudly say that I was able to master Mary Had A Little Lamb. It’s been 10 years since I’ve picked up a trumpet, so I doubt I would remember how to do it now.

13. Being the oldest cousin on my moms’ side of the family, I have been enlisted to keep an eye on the younger cousins’ MySpace accounts. I take my duties very seriously and have no problem ratting them out to their parents. I bet they wonder who the hell told mom and dad about their little pot smoking experiment, or that there is a secret boyfriend that will be met later today for a secret make-out session. I’m protecting them from themselves! ; )

14. I don’t believe in the whole “green” movement. You will not catch me riding around in a Hybrid car, I don’t buy organic vegetables and I think drilling for oil in Alaska would be great. The polar bears can deal for a while.

15. I love roller coasters. Like, seriously love them. DH and I had annual passes to Six Flags Magic Mountain when we lived in CA. We used to go every other week and do all 15 major coasters in two hours. I haven’t gotten on a roller coaster since we moved to AZ two years ago. It kills me that I haven’t ridden Tatsu, Scream or X2 : (

16. I sold auto parts for six years so I know about cars and can diagnose common problems (and holy crap, I can do my own oil change, replace wiper blades and check/charge/replace a battery)! I actually have a muscle car of my own (in pieces), and it’s rare, only 10,000 were made. It’s been sitting in the garage untouched since we moved, but that’s because of a lack of funds, not lack of enthusiasm.

17. I like antique furniture. DH and I go to the antique district at least once a month to look for stuff. We are constantly teased by our friends, but I really don’t care. I think our house is furnished with way nicer stuff than theirs. Not to knock IKEA or anything, but I want our house to have character.

18. I’m a Lakers fan. I’ve been a Lakers fan for as long as I can remember. They have great years and not so great years and I’ve stuck by them throughout. I am often amused by people that ask why I didn’t switch to the Suns when I moved to AZ. Why would I? I’ve loved the Lakers for 20+ years, that’s not exactly something you can just walk away from. I am NOT a Fair-Weather-Fan! Win, Lose or Tie, I’m a Lakers Fan till I Die!

19. I pick at my lips. It’s the most annoying habit and I know I have to stop, but I CAN’T! I’m always imagining that there is a little piece of skin hanging off that I simply must.remove.right.now. Usually, it’s just in my head and I end up ripping off perfectly good skin that is in no way hanging. My lips look awful, but I can’t make myself leave them alone. Sucks.

20. I have threatened DH with bodily harm if our children don’t have his eyes. I’ll do it too! He has the most gorgeous green/gold eyes I’ve ever seen (totally not biased) and our kids better have them too dammit! This is my only request; I don’t care if we have one or two, girls or boys, it doesn’t matter, but they had better come out with those eyes!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I am my mother's keeper

As much as I would like to distance myself from her right now, I know that I can't. She's been feeling pretty down lately and it seems like I'm the only one that doesn't make her sad. My little brother lives far away. My little sister took off a month ago without so much as a goodbye, and is now living with her boyfriend (total scandal in my family). And my baby brother has been accused of knocking out poor innocent little girls; and because her parents believe her blindly, they aren't speaking with my mom, causing another huge rift in the family.

I guess I will just have to bite my tongue, grit my teeth, and let her say whatever she wants to. The thought of a grandbaby is the only thing that makes her smile anymore. Hope my ladies won't mind me venting more often than usual, it's bound to get worse before it gets better.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Enough already!

Update: After speaking with my brother, it has been determined that he at no time rendered my cousin unconscious. I'm not sure what to make of this as far as what her goal was here, but it is safe to say that we will not be having any contact with her or her family in the future. Sad, I'll miss my uncle.

I should keep a list of the people that I DON'T want to strangle. It would be so much shorter.

My mom calls me from home (she took the day off) very upset and tells me that my uncle just called her and made some pretty serious allegations against my baby brother. Background: about a week and a half ago, my aunt and cousin stayed with my family for one night while they were passing through to Vegas. Today, my uncle says that my aunt called him in hysterics because my cousin claimed that my brother punched her and knocked her out while they were staying there. Now she's rushing her to the hospital to be checked.

For obvious reasons, I am very skeptical that this even happened. I tried to look at it objectively, but I still can't see this being true.

First, my brother is the most mellow 14YO kid that you've ever met, and he is so not violent at all. I know this because my sister tortured the hell out of him for years and he never so much as smacked her (even when she deserved it). They grew up together and he has always been more of a brother than a cousin to her. He's very protective of her too.

Secondly, why, if he had knocked her out the night before, would she be hanging all over him the next day and hugging him goodbye when she left? She showed absolutely NO sign whatsoever that he intimidated her or was even mean to her. And she tends to get very whiny when someone is being mean to her.

Third, wouldn't there have been some kind of bruise before today? Don't bruises show up within hours? And if he had knocked her out, I'm thinking it would've had to've come from a shot to the head. Kind of noticeable, no?

Fourth, why didn't she say anything to her mother right after it happened? Why wait till a week later? She has had no problems in the past about tattling on people.

Fifth, why is her mother rushing her to the hospital a week and a half after the alleged incident? If she'd been having an adverse effect from a punch to the head that happened over a week ago, wouldn't she have gone a lot sooner than today?

Sixth, and this is one of the biggest reasons why I'm skeptical, my cousin has a pattern of accusing people of doing things like this; another cousin, a teacher, a band mate, and a voice coach. The other cousin I could see doing something like that, he's a little douche, but what about everyone else? Is she really so unlucky that she has had half a dozen people **allegedly** get violent with her?

And finally, she lies. There. I said it. No one else will say it. But she does.

I'm thinking that perhaps something happened in the last day or so (maybe with a BF no one knows about?) and she doesn't want to get caught doing something she shouldn't be doing. But why would she throw my brother under the bus?

And as if all this crap wasn't enough, my poor unsuspecting grandma is, at this very moment, on her way to go visit them. My aunt isn't exactly tactful, nor does she give a shit about anyones' feelings but her own, so I can guarantee that as soon as my grandma walks through the door, she will still be hysterical ('cause it suits her cause) and will assail her with all this. My mom started crying as soon as she realized what's about to happen, and I can't say that I blame her. My aunt is a huge drama queen and will no doubt go on and on with no regard for the fact that she's accusing one grandchild of violence against another grandchild; with no proof that it actually happened. How do you think my grandma would take something like that?I told my mom that she'd better get to grandma before my aunt does. If my aunt gets to her first my grandma will be completely devastated.

I am so freakin' sick of this drama in my family. And ::gasp:: ALL of it starts with these three. My uncle, the cheater, my aunt, the AW and drama queen and my cousin, who is becoming more and more like her mother every day. Not a good thing. I am all for cutting them off at this point, they've brought us nothing but grief and pain. My mom will be talking to my brother when he gets out of school. How much you wanna bet that he said something that pissed her off and she's getting her revenge this way? I know I made her mad when I told her that dating a 17YO was a bad idea considering that she's only 13. She wouldn't speak to me for weeks.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

!)(*#^)&%(@&#_*(^%$@^

I've noticed that most of my posts lean toward the negative and I was going to make a conscience effort to lighten up a bit, but today just ain't that day.

After the m/c in April, the one thing I asked of my mother was that she not tell my grandma what happened. I had no desire to add to her stress level. There is drama with my aunts/uncles, there is drama with her tenants, there is drama with my sister; add to that all of her various medical issues and you will find a lady that's been worn pretty thin.

From what I understand, the revelation came after a discussion between the two of them about why H and I don't come over as often anymore (she lives with my parents). Mom tells her we're strapped for cash and throws in my emergency room visit as one of our expenses. Of course that's going to pique Grandma's curiosity, she wanted to know what I went in for. AND SHE TOLD HER! Yep, she told her everything. I'm standing there in shock as my mother is telling me what happened; justifying her reasons and what not; and I couldn't say anything. Well, I could've, but I didn't because I'm sure I would regret it later. And then...

And then she asks me how things are going in "that" department.

I lied. I told her before that the doc recommended we wait three months, and it's been over three months, but I made her think it hadn't (see, she can't even remember when it happened). So, she thinks we're still waiting on my doc's ok in another couple of weeks. She got all giddy, squealed and started clapping like a little school girl. **barf** Even after I calmly explained it could take a year (hello, it's already been five months since coming off of BC) to get PG, she was still all happy and bouncing around.

If she asks again, I fully intend to tell her we're TTA. I'm so sick of this.

Friday, August 1, 2008

13DPO

I'm starting to get anxious. Based on past cycles I should be getting AF today, but so far, I've had no indication of her coming. Usually, my cramps are horrendously painful on CD1. All I've had today is a slight twinge here and there. I don't know if I can hold out till Sunday, I want to POAS soooo badly! The only thing stopping me is that I want DH to be there when I test. That way he can console me through a BFN, or be right there jumping up and down with me if I get a BFP.

Oh the torture that is waiting!