Friday, October 31, 2008

First Belly Pics!

I know, I'm psycho, but I couldn't let a ticker change day pass by with no belly pics! Who cares if I'm only rockin' some crazy bloat ; )
And check it out, I know how to keep my clothes on when I take a picture! LOL Here's me at 5 weeks!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008


The OB that I really liked isn't with the practice anymore so I had to schedule my appointment with a different doctor. I'm going in on November 10th, which will put me at 6w4d. I hope we'll be able to see the heartbeat then! I know it might be too early, but it would really put my mind at ease if I can just see it. DH is going with me too! Woot!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


**Update!! I got a call from the lab and my betas were at 706 at 14DPO! HOLY COW!!

I've noticed a couple of things in the few days since I found out about this new little one that make me truly believe that this is the one for us. This is our baby. This one is staying here with us.

A little background: We weren't trying when I got PG the first time; we were using condoms but I had been off BC for a while. I wasn't far enough along to have any kind of symptoms. The only thing that tipped me off was a late AF. I went back on the pill for a while after that. The second time I got PG, our first cycle trying, AF again was the first tip off. I felt "weird", but not sick, I had some cramping, but it didn't last very long at all. After a few days of that, I felt completely normal. Then the spotting started up and I knew something was wrong.

This time, I feel completely different. The cramping is more noticeable and has been around since before the BFP. I'm having trouble with certain smells and I get a little queazy if I think of something gross, I am super tired (almost to the point of falling asleep in front of my computer), I get dizzy if I stand up to quickly and sometimes in the shower, it hurts my belly when I sneeze, and the bloat is making it hard to button up my "not skinny" pants.

I also have this overall sense of well being. I was so happy the first two times, but this time I can feel the glow. It's hard to explain but I feel happier this time around. And more optimistic! I actually went to Target yesterday and bought a cute maternity sweater! I can totally use it before the bump comes in, it's not obviously maternity, but it has Liz Lange Maternity on the label and it made my heart happy to see that : ) I'm also stalking ebay for cute clothes I can use later on down the line. I know I won't need them till sometime in January, but I can't help myself!

Now if the stupid lab would just call me with my blood work, my day would be complete. Stupid people didn't note down that I have a history of miscarriage; it was supposed to be a rush! I should have that call later today and then I can schedule my first appointment. The doc I saw with the m/c in April said to call her ASAP with the next BFP so she could see me right away. C'mon lab! Hurry up!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Still PG!

LOL I'm gonna be one of those chicks peeing on sticks well after my initial BFP. Mostly 'cause I freak myself out easily, but it's partly because I like seeing that line pop up : )

I took another test this morning just to watch the results again. The line was darker than last time! Woot!

I realized that I didn't include any of my symptoms in my last post, so here they are:

- My boobs started hurting, really hurting, on Thursday, the 16th. They don't hurt as much now, but I do get a horrible stabbing feeling every now and then.

-I've had AF like cramping since Wednesday, the 22nd. It's been pretty constant since then.

That's it. I get an occasional bout of nausea, but nothing that sends me running to kneel before the porcelain gods : ) I'm sure that fun part will come soon enough though.

I also took pictures of the fortunes that I was telling you about in a previous post. Alas, I lost one of them, so here are the two that I do have:

See? The fortunes were messing with my head all during the 2WW. I was this close to swearing off of Chinese food!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Today I am Pregnant and I Love my Baby

I guess I should have allowed myself to hope. I got a BFP this morning!!! My temp shot way up yesterday so I knew something was up. Too bad I didn't actually LOOK at the BBT until after I had peed and taken a shower. I would've tested yesterday if I'd checked it first!

I got up this morning at 5:30 and went straight to the bathroom. The line popped up in like 20 seconds and was dark. Not like March when I took two tests and I couldn't tell for sure, so I'm really hoping that is a good sign. I took some pictures of the test and then woke DH up and told him that he's gonna be a daddy. He smiled at me and pulled me back into bed to snuggle. I had to get back up a little while later to update my ladies, they are soooo impatient! Gah! I also had to let Sniffy know that she has another Baby Mama! LOL I'm so ecstatic right now I can barely contain myself. I was actually a little surprised at my reaction to the + test. I thought for sure I would be more guarded, but nope, I'm bouncing off the walls. It makes me happy to know that I reacted the same way to this BFP as I did to the last one. Of course, I'm still worried, but not as much as I thought I would be. The mantras I found on SAL have really helped me to put it all in perspective. That's one of the mantras in my post title. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. Another one I like is "Hope does not make bad things happen. You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!!" I am going to repeat these to myself as often as I need to.

Now I'm gonna call the doctor's office and demand a blood test. : )

Here's the HPT, no doubt about it!

Monday, October 20, 2008

I will NOT get my hopes up!

I will NOT get my hopes up! I will NOT get my hopes up!

This is so frustrating! I don't know how anybody does this for any length of time. I think I may go completely insane if this takes much longer.

Ok, here's why I'm freaking out... my boobs hurt. Like. A lot. They've been hurting for several days, which for me, is unusual. Not in my entire 26 years have my boobs ever hurt. Then there's my chart. It looks completely different from all the ones that have come before it. I O'd later than usual, and my post O temps are more level now than they've ever been. The stupid thing looks phenomenal! Only, DH and I had terrible timing! I'm 10DPO and driving myself batty. I must look at it like 50 times a day. Logically, we have a snowballs' chance in hell that I'm KU right now, but I can't help but be optimistic anyway! Sometimes, I feel like smacking myself just to snap myself out of it. And finally, the fortune cookies are conspiring to push me over the edge. That's right. Fortune cookies. For those that know my story, a fortune cookie practically predicted my BFP in March. It was eerie. I have gotten no less than three fortunes in the last two weeks that have overly optimistic messages about how our goal will soon be met or a happy surprise is on it's way...

4 more days till I can test. 4 more days till I can have some measure of sanity back. 4 more days till we can try again, and dammit, I don't care how tired he is, DH WILL be jumped nightly!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

October 15th

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Today I honor my little angels in Heaven. I think of them every day, but today seems different somehow. Today I think not only of myself, but about all the women in the world that share my grief in the loss of a baby. I wish I could think of something profound to say, but words fail me right now. I feel so overwhelmed. Just know that I will be praying. Praying for our babies and praying for those women out there that are coping with loss. And to my girls, you know who you are, I'm also sending hugs and much, much lovf.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Crap! Crap! Crap!

FF moved my crosshairs from CD12 to CD16 which puts it smack dab in the middle of our worst timing to date, and also doesn't match up with the good CM I had. I was so mad at DH for denying me sexy time on Friday (which was incidentally CD16) and then felt bad about it on Saturday when I got my original crosshairs. Now I'm back to being mad at him.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Weirdo Temps

So, I thought that I O'd on CD11 'cause my temp shot up, but now it's gone back down again (on what would've been the 3rd day for a high temp). Totally strange for this time in my cycle. I'm not sure what to think of it. I don't know if I can keep MyLovf going for much longer, we're both exhausted from the sex marathon.

Praying for crosshairs soon!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Holy crap. It's October already!

When did that happen? It feels like this year just flew right by!

I was hit with the realization yesterday (while driving home from work), that my EDD is fast approaching. It was December 6th. I don't know what triggered it, probably something on the radio, but I cried almost the whole way home. Has it really been six months? When I got home MyLovf noticed that I was upset and asked what was wrong. He's too perceptive sometimes; I was trying to hide it. It did feel good to be able to talk to him about it though. I don't know what I'd do without him.