Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Yes! Thank you!

Symptoms are coming back! Boobs hurt, tired all the time, stretchy ute is stretching, winded after going up the stairs, and my gag reflex has been tested multiple times today. I have also had this uncontrollable urge to eat giant bowls of chocolate chip ice cream, which is totally a symptom in my book.


Other than one errant splotch yesterday, the spotting has not come back again.

Breathing easy for now.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

6 Weeks and Weekend Trip Drama

I hate that absolute elation can turn to panic and worry at the snap of a finger.

I was riding such a high after the stupid pee test at the doctor's office. I felt good, everything was supposedly going good, and then on Thursday night I found pink tinged CM on my liner. I said a little prayer and changed it, then went back a couple hours later and found some more. I lost it; I prayed, I begged, I bargained. And I cried. A lot. I couldn't sleep at all and had to get up early Friday morning to get us ready for our Cali trip.


I was terrified to go to the bathroom the entire weekend, and the effing spotting lasted the whole time, but it was no longer pink by Friday night. I have been spot free for the last 29 hours and praying that it won't come back again. Since the pinkish stuff technically only lasted for about 6 hours and the rest was brown, I'm on the fence about calling for an earlier appointment.

The trip itself was just ok. We went out for a baby shower for a couple of our best friends. It should have been a totally happy occasion and it totally should have been worth driving seven hours... it was not. There were waaaaay too many people packed into that little house and it was so hot and uncomfortable with no where to sit. The food was not good and actually ended up making us sick, the games weren't fun (way too much Pinterest inspiration without the execution), and they didn't open the presents while everyone was there. That is my favorite part about baby showers! I am one of those that lovfs to ooh and aah over sweet tiny baby clothes! The worst part of the whole thing was that we were only there for about three hours. Three. All because of my honey's soon-to-be-former friend.

MyLovf has been friends with this guy for forever, but a couple months back he posted on my Facebook wall that he had been having an affair with another of our married friends who was my Matron of Honor!!! for the past three years. Complete with photographic evidence! Now, why he thought that I was the appropriate person to confess this to is completely beyond me. I never really considered him to be one of MY close friends, but he should know me well enough by now to know that I would not react well to the news. When he got there, instead of my usual bear hug greeting, he wouldn't even look me in the eye (which was fine with me, I couldn't stand to look at him either). MyLovf had to feel the tension radiating off of me because he was ready to go soon after he arrived. What sucks even worse is that I don't think anyone at the party knew about what happened because they all carried on as usual, so it would make me a total bitch to bring it up. I know our hosts were really confused as to why we left so quickly after having come so far. I doubt they would ask me, but I don't want to be the one to tell them because they are super close to him.

We got a hotel nearby for the night, so we made arrangements to come back in the morning to spend a little more time and maybe see some presents! They fed us Jack In The Box breakfast *drool*, but the only present I got to see opened was the one I brought... Still kinda fun. I did win best gift bag and favorite handmade item ;) LOL

Some highlights from the trip were that my Little Man was able to visit with his grandparents who hadn't seen him in months and I got to hold my sweet little niece for a few hours before we drove out for the party.

All in all, the whole weekend gets an "eh" from me. I almost wish we hadn't gone, it feels like such a waste of money.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Stupid Grin

BabyLovf #2 has officially been confirmed by medical professionals!

I left that place with the biggest, stupidest grin. And the spotting never got darker and has now completely stopped (again, hopefully never to return). Dammit, I'm happy right now. I do feel a little silly; it's not like they did an ultrasound or anything, but who cares? I'm feeling good, the pregnancy has been confirmed, I am officially green lit to find a new ob/gyn, and I finally got my butt into a salon chair this afternoon!

Super plus is that my awesome little guy was sooo good for both appointments. I was a little worried about how he would do at the salon, but he sat there and played with his LeapPad thingy and waited oh so nicely. Such a proud moment for this mama :)

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Not really an update:

I spotted for most of the day on Saturday and then Sunday and Monday there was nothing, so I thought whatever was causing it went away. That is, until it started up again today and was more brown instead of tan. It's a very small amount, so I'm trying to convince myself that everything is still fine. I mean, I'm not cramping or anything and it's not red, so everything is ok.


Still ok.

I have an appointment tomorrow to confirm that I'm pregnant for insurance purposes, but the doctor won't actually see me until I'm eight weeks along unless I have red spotting. I didn't mention when I made the appointment about my past miscarriages, but I'll probably say something tomorrow if the spotting hasn't stopped by then.

I hate this feeling. I can barely sleep for worrying. I just wish I was feeling SOMETHING. Some little thing to let me know that all is well. I was this.close to taking my last test this afternoon, but talked myself out of it. I forced myself to wait till tomorrow to pee in a cup.

I just need to feel a little better about all this before the end of the week or our weekend trip to California is seriously gonna suck.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 5 Weeks

Spotting yesterday. Just a little on my panty liner and light tan in color. It's nothing.

This happened with Little Man at 7weeks, so I'm telling myself that this is normal for me even though it's happening a little earlier than the last time (so it's nothing). I've also felt what I thought was gas, but without the actual gas. Everything else feels normal; no nausea, minimal boob pain, a little bloat, and my energy level has also improved. I should be relieved that it's been easy so far, but I can't. I'm worried.

A friend of mine gave me some recommendations for OBs today, so I'll be calling on Monday for an appointment. I'm going to tell them about my previous losses so that hopefully I can get in a little earlier than 8 weeks. Will it matter that they were 5+ years ago? I don't know if they will take that into consideration, but I hope they do.

I also took a couple of 5 week "belly" pictures, but I think I'm gonna hold off on posting those for now.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Hello, My Name is Lovf...

and I'm a POAS-aholic.

I don't know how much I can blame my lack of symptoms for my need to pee on things because I've been wanting to use my last couple of tests since before they went away. Anyways, it's still positive :)

I still have one more and will probably use that one next week as well! LOL

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Why!? Why now!?

This should have been a super awesome week full of happy, but alas, the last few days have not been so fun.

MyLovf found out on Tuesday that the company he's been happily working for for the last two years has been sold. Somehow, this seems to be the norm for us. Shortly after we got Little Man's BFP the company we both worked for was sold to a competitor. I ended up getting laid off and MyLovf stuck around for a while, but they treated him so horribly that he left. We were both there for 10+ years. Sucks so bad.

The most upsetting thing for me is that for the first time in f.o.r.e.v.e.r he really likes his job! He turned into a completely different person when he started working there (in a good way). It is weighing heavily on him, too. It seems to be all he can think about; it's certainly all he talks about. I'm trying hard to keep him positive because they really just might keep him. He's so good at what he does! I don't know if I'm helping him at all though. It makes me so sad.

The take over is supposed to happen quickly, so we should know one way or the other by mid August at the latest. He's already putting feelers out there just in case.

BabyLovf: My symptoms have all but disappeared (with the exception of the bloat). One side of my brain is going "Woohoo, another easy pregnancy!" and the other is going "Please be sticky, please be sticky, please be sticky." I also need to find myself a new ob/gyn. The one I used for LM is too far away now and plus, I hate that guy. It's slim pickins around here, but we're about half an hour away from a bigger populace that will probably have better candidates. Crossing my fingers for a good one this time around!

Little Man: he is dressing himself 100% now. Took long enough! LOL

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

BFP Info

Hey TTGP ladies! This one's for you:

What we did: I hate to say it, but we didn't do anything special. We set out at the beginning of the cycle to try EOD, but MyLovf's work schedule can get a little crazy and he comes home super tired sometimes. Timing was obviously still really good: O-3, O, and O+1. I have been taking a PNV every night since my IUD came out and since CM last cycle was off, I upped my water intake. That's pretty much it.

Symptoms: Fatigue at 9DPO. Light cramping at 12DPO. Tender breasts at 13DPO. I'm still experiencing all these things, especially fatigue. So tired. Temps also stayed above the cover line at 13DPO where they usually start to dip for AF (which was due yesterday).

How I told DH: I wrote a whole other post about what happened on Saturday. You'll have to scroll down a little if you want to read about that.

Other stuff: As I said in my Saturday post; I'm scared. Four days of positive tests aren't helping (even though they probably should). I'm thankful that today's test is much darker compared to the other four, but I can't seem to shake that ugly nervous feeling

This is probably my one regret about the whole thing. I miss the naivete that comes with never having experienced a miscarriage. I feel robbed of the initial excitement that comes with finding out you're newly pregnant. Luckily, MyLovf is excited enough for both of us which does help my mood a lot. The booger head is already telling people!

EDD:  February 16, 2014 (nine days before MyLovf's birthday)

So that's it. Two months and two cycles. I'm still praying like mad that this is a take home baby and that I can allow myself to relax and enjoy this. I am also praying that this go around is as easy as my first.

Here it is again!

It's midnight here in AZ. It is officially LM's 4th birthday! Happy Birthday my sweet Little!

I meant to have portraits done, but the place where we always get them done shut down a couple of months ago and I've been lazy about finding a new one. I may not have to though, MyLovf found me a really good camera at a pawn shop this past weekend. I've been playing with it the last couple of days and I think I could probably pull off portrait quality stuff on my own... if I can get LM to sit still for a while.

More pics to come!

Saturday, June 8, 2013

I Caved

So much for waiting till Tuesday to test!

I woke up feeling... funny, and then my temp was a little higher this morning when I was expecting it to go down for AF. With my history of miscarriage I was indecisive about testing early, but MyLovf is off work this weekend, there was no one else in the house, and waiting for test day would've meant testing alone; PLUS the very compelling dream that my friend in IL had about getting a text from me with a pic of the positive test. She hasn't been wrong yet!

That's just Fate talking to me right there, isn't it? How do you deny Fate?

I let MyLovf know that I was getting ready to test and then went to the bathroom. I peed in the cup and put the little drops in, watched the liquid go across the window, and!... nothing. Stark white. Bummer. Oh well. I walked out of the bathroom, gave MyLovf a sad little shake of the head and then headed into the bedroom. I threw the test and everything in the trash can and went about straightening things up. A minute or two later, I felt the need to dig that cheapo Walmart test out of the trash to look at it again and I'll be damned if there wasn't something there!

A squinter, if you will.

Taken with phone camera with absolutely zero editing.

Now before you drag out the "any line you see after 10 minutes is crap" rule, you should know that this all happened within 5 minutes, which is well within the testing limits. And even though it's really faint, there is a line there.

I called MyLovf back into the room to look at it and he saw the same. I took a picture of it and sent it to J in IL, and she saw it. I was skeptical. MyLovf was skeptical. It really is faint. We went to the $Tree and I bought a couple more tests (the ones that gave me LM's BFP). I took one this afternoon after letting my urine concentrate for a few hours, and again, a really faint positive.

 Taken with point and shoot with absolutely zero editing

So I guess I'm KTFU!

But I'm scared.

Two miscarriages makes me scared. I am seriously kicking myself in the ass for testing early because OMG what if that test turns negative before AF is due on Monday? *please God, don't let that happen* I'm scared to let myself get excited. I don't think I'm even going to announce it on the boards until Tuesday, so if you're from TB and reading this, I would appreciate it if you kept it on the DL and said a little prayer for a sticky baby.

I have two more tests in my drawer and will definitely be using them tomorrow and Monday, but again, won't say anything about it until Tuesday.

In the mean time, I will be trying my hardest not to worry.

*NOTE - I am 13DPO today*

Friday, June 7, 2013

Updates and Squee!

It's all good with my BF! She went in to see her doc yesterday and was able to see the little heartbeat. Blood work showed that her progesterone level was low, so she has an Rx for that now. Hopefully that's the last of the drama with this little one!

Nicole is still not done in court, but they're taking a break for the weekend. Still praying for good news next week!

And here's my SQUEEEEEE!!!

This is my future niece/nephew! Isn't s/he awesome!?

My sister had her appointment today and everything is looking really good. She said that s/he was wiggling all around and they had a lot of fun listening to the heartbeat.

*Le sigh* 

I can't wait to join her. I'm debating with myself on whether I should test tomorrow (or Sunday) since MyLovf is going to be home, or if I should wait till Tuesday which would be 16DPO and one day past when AF is due.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Three Unrelated Things

First & Second (T&P requested)

My friend Nicole is in court this week fighting for custody of her daughter from a really horrible guy. This battle has been going on for over four years and this could finally be it.

My BFF that is now about 6 weeks pregnant is spotting red. She's scared and has an appointment tomorrow with her GP. I hate that we're so far apart. She'll have to take her two little boys along, but her H won't be able to be there.

If you would be willing to send out good thoughts or prayers for them, I would really appreciate it.


Despite DH induced sleep deprivation, I actually paid attention to my temperature before going back to sleep this morning. I'm glad I did, or today would've been the third day in a row of 98.6. I guess I didn't read the instructions on the new thermometer closely enough because this baby doesn't have a memory! Ugh. I thought those temps were kind of high for me; it's the default temp. I'm just happy I realized it after O had been confirmed and not before. I would've been so mad!

Monday, June 3, 2013

"Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle!"

Thanks to my baby brother, LM has learned the fine art of peeing in a bush... We were outside and he was in and out of the pool and running around on the grass. Pretty soon after getting in the pool, he informs me that he has to be pee and goes to the end of the porch. And then from behind me I hear...

"Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle!"

Oh dear lord. "What are you wiggling, buddy?"

"My wiener!" - followed by hysterical laughter.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Some happy stuff

Ok. Gotta shake off the stupid crap that happened over the last couple of weeks and get back to my adorably cute, bubbly self!

So! Good stuff that has happened (delivered in bullet point format):
  • I watched my LM play and interact with his baby cousin for three whole days. He was so helpful to his auntie when it came to taking care of her. He would bring diapers and wipes, try to calm her when she was crying, and he spent so.much.time trying to make her laugh! He is going to be the most amazing big brother :)

  • MyLovf and I were able to see friends that we don't get to see very often. It was full on annoying that I wasn't able to sit down and have a conversation with them because I was running around like a crazy person and playing hostess. I much prefer to attend parties than to throw them!
  • Nutella + Greek yogurt fruit dip. Oh yeah!
  • LM had both his uncles under the same roof at the same time. I thought his little head was going to explode. They were so great with him too; they chased him around the house and played with him until he fell into his bed at the end of the day completely exhausted. I was the one waking HIM up when its usually the other way around.
  • FF FINALLY gave me cross hairs for CD12! I am 7DPO as I type, so I'm technically in the 1WW. Lovf it!
  • I took LM to Walmart to spend his birthday money. He knew exactly what he wanted and even took me straight to the appropriate aisle. I had him hold his money, pay the cashier, and then wait for his change.

I just wish the stupid lady in the line beside us hadn't taken it upon herself to inform LM that the doctor's bag set that he had his little heart set on was a girls' toy. Jerk woman got mama's bitch face. "He's four years old. He loves Doc McStuffins. He doesn't care that it's sparkly pink, and frankly, neither do I". I silently dared her to say something else, but she didn't.

  • MyLovf and I bought him a new pool for summer because the old blow up one developed mysterious holes... I suspect Shelby dog... This one is big enough for me to join him in if I ever wanted to. For now, I am content to just dunk my feet :)

This is how he hides... Thanks Nana

  • I don't know where he picked it up, but he'll come running over to where I am and say "MOM! I wanna give you a hug and a kiss and a I lub you!" Be still my overflowing heart! Rest assured that I am teaching him how to give a proper hug, too. None of this one armed crap that his daddy tries to get away with.

So yeah, despite all the bullshit that I've had to put up with for the last two weeks, there has been some awesome sprinkled in.