Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Job Update

Back in the beginning of June we found out that the company MyLovf works for was sold and we didn't have any idea what would happen in terms of his employment/pay/insurance/everything.

We know now!

They're obviously not a stupid bunch because the new owners decided to keep him on in the same capacity.


There are actually a few "buts":

  • They have reduced his base salary by about 25% and also reduced his bonus incentives. How does this keep happening to him!? It really boils my blood because he had been told in confidence by people leaving with the old owner that he is crazy underpaid for the position he holds. Now the new people come in and lower it even more!? WTF!?
  • Most of the people he enjoyed working with left.
  • The atmosphere is much changed and he is back under the level of stress that he left behind at his previous, really awful job.
  • The cost of insurance is going up. A lot. We're getting a private policy, but I don't know what that means for my healthcare. I'm thinking my best option is Medicaid; I'm looking into that now. Thankfully, the practice I've been going to accepts the plans.
The one positive thing about it is they committed to keeping his pay the same through August. He's not planning to stay past that and has been talking to his connections about another job. I'm crossing my fingers that he finds something closer to home. The hour-each-way commute he has now is torture. More so on him than me, obviously, but I worry about him spending so much time behind the wheel and would really lovf a little more time with him before and after work.

If you all could spare some prayers that he find another job he likes, I will lovf you forever.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Oh the pressure... of a name...

I know Kit, this sucks.

Picking out a name for Little Man was hard, but I don't remember agonizing over the decision the way I am right now and we still have approximately 29 weeks to figure it out!

**If we're having another boy, I'm rambling and angry for no reason whatsoever. I just need to get this off my chest right now.**

We had our girl name picked out before we even knew that Little Man was a boy. It was darling. It was beautiful. It had awesome sentimental meaning... and then E.L. James wrote that horrible piece of fiction that has sold over 70 million copies. That's more than all of the Harry Potter books combined (yes, I'm a Potterhead, get over it)!

I'm sad for our generation. :(

Anyway, about a week ago I found out that our sweet name was used in the book. I understand she's not a main character, but she does play an important role in the story. I put out some feelers and it isn't an immediate association, but with the movie adaptation coming out six months after I'm due, I'm thinking it would eventually click in peoples' minds the way Rosalie, Jasper, or Esme brings Twilight to the forefront. I HATE that! Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

Our perfect name is forever tarnished in my mind.

MyLovf doesn't think it's a big deal and we should use it anyway, but I can't bring myself to use a name from a book that "is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism." Could you do it!? Knowing what you know, could you go ahead and give your innocent, gorgeous daughter a moniker that people will associate with a character that started a raunchy sexual affair with a boy when he was 15 years old?

I can't. I just can't do it.

My honey is annoyed at the thought of having to replace the name we've had picked out for the last almost five years, but I don't think he realizes how off putting the whole thing has been for me. I still really like the name, except now, every time I think about it, I picture rope and whips and ball gags. Ugh. I've been throwing around different names since I found out, but he hasn't warmed up to anything yet.

On the flip side, I was talking to my mom yesterday about boys' names and asked about the proper spelling of my paternal grandfather's name. She wanted to know why I wasn't going to use one of my Dad's names since we used my FIL's middle name for LM's middle name. She must've forgotten that I am forbidden! Forbidden by both of my brothers (who each have one of his names, but no sons to pass it to) from ever using it! She even took their side when we were in hot debate about it. Whatever. I like my Grandpa's name and none of my other cousins have used it, so it's mine!!! Oh yeah, I'm calling dibs.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 11 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 11 Weeks
  • Total weight gain: ??
  • How big is baby?: The size of a lime at just over 1 ½ inches long and weighs about one third of an ounce.
  • Maternity clothes?: No, they're still buried, but I do have my honey convinced to go after them next weekend. If not, a new maternity wardrobe WILL be purchased! I have already hit up three different Goodwills in search of more comfortable bottoms. Scored two pairs of Liz Lange Maternity shorts at $3.99 each! Woot!
  • Stretch marks?: Not yet!
  • Sleep?: MyLovf moved the Tempurpedic that was in the guest room into our room today, so hopefully I can get some real rest and not wake up with a super sore back.
  • Best moment this week?: Bargains on clothing! Lovf it!
  • Movement?: No, but I'm hoping that since now I know what I'm looking for, I'll feel it a little earlier than 16 weeks.
  • Food cravings?: No cravings. I have learned that I need to eat smaller meals though. Eating too much in one sitting makes me feel really uncomfortable.
  • Labor signs?:No. **I'll leave this one out until 3rd tri.**
  • Belly button in or out?: Still flat
  • What I miss: ...can't think of anything.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next appointment and fishing my clothes and Snoogle out of storage.
  • Developments: From BabyCenter: Baby is now almost fully formed. It's hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under the gums, and some of the bones are beginning to harden. Baby is already busy kicking and stretching, and its tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as the body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that the diaphragm is forming.
Belly Pics!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Now I’ve Done It

Why do people ask you for your honest opinion on something if they’re not willing to hear what you have to say? You can’t ask for that and then get mad when the person being questioned says something you don’t like. Ugh.

My sister is mad at me because I told her that I don’t care for their front-running Girl name.

Now, I’m very aware that my opinion on their name choice doesn’t matter one single iota. I’m not so vain as to think they’ll change their minds because I don’t like the name. It doesn’t matter whether or not I like it, and that’s exactly what I told her. But she doesn't seem to understand that part (or she's just looking for a reason to get annoyed). She’s angry with me because my honest opinion is that the name she likes won’t age well, doesn’t pass my own personal resume test, and is better suited as a nickname rather than a given name. She tried to get back at me by challenging me to ask for HER honest opinion on our name choices. I responded with “Go ahead and tell me. Just know that I don’t give two shiny shits what your opinion is. I like them and MyLovf likes them, and that’s all that matters. NAME YOUR CHILD WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!” She never did tell me what she thought of our names...

My mom took her side and got on my case for not being “supportive”. I told her that I wasn’t going to lie to someone that asked me for my honest opinion. Why am I in trouble!? It’s not like I’m going to love my potential niece any less because of her name. I’ll use it happily and never mention my distaste for it ever again. To my way of thinking, once a name is concrete it’s no longer up for debate or critique. It is not, as of yet, concrete. Plus… SHE’S THE ONE THAT ASKED! I didn’t just offer up my thoughts unsolicited; I wouldn’t do that.

Her being so super-hyper-sensitive about every.little.thing is grating on my already grated nerves. I’m about ready to take a break from her.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Little Man Cuties

I've got two awesome LM quotes that I have to document so I don't forget them!

I'm not even sure where this first one came from. I was cooking dinner when he ran in and had to say, "Mom, my belly button is so cool! Thanks for making it for me!" You're very welcome Buddy.

I usually drive whenever we're out as a family, but this time DH was driving. He's a bit of a speed demon: Me: "Woah!" LM: "It's ok mommy, I got you."

Stinkin' adorable kid :)

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 10 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 10 week: 25% done!
  • Total weight gain: Probably +10 pounds with the way I've been snarfing on cookies... Not good Jen. Not good.
  • How big is baby?: The size of a kumquat (WTH is a kumquat?), 1¼ inches or so long from crown to bottom and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce.
  • Maternity clothes?: No, but that's only because they're buried waaaaaay back in our storage unit and I haven't been able to convince MyLovf and my dad to go in after them. Thankfully the clothes I have now are still comfortable.
  • Stretch marks?: No, but I know it's just a matter of time.
  • Sleep?: Our mattress is destroying my back. I'm going to try sleeping on the Tempurpedic in the guest room. If that doesn't help, I dunno what I'm gonna do. Being stiff and sore from neck to tush is getting really old.
  • Best moment this week?: It's been a pretty uneventful week.
  • Movement?: Nothing yet.
  • Food cravings?: Had to have some sushi on Saturday. It sucks having to avoid the stuff I really like, but I still managed to satisfy the craving.
  • Labor signs?: Nope
  • Belly button in or out?: Same
  • What I miss: The good sushi.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next appointment. I wonder if they'll let me record some of the u/s?
  • Developments: From BabyCenter: Your baby is swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs, including kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout pregnancy.
"Belly" pics!


Monday, July 15, 2013

Not Baby Related

My baby brother left today. He'll be in Japan (well, Okinawa) for two years. I thought I was feeling ok about it, but when I got home from the airport I broke down and have been kinda weepy ever since. I just can't believe he'll be gone for so long; and with no plans to come home that entire time. It makes me so sad that he won't be able to meet mine or my sisters' babies till they're a year and a half old. :'(

Little Man and his favorite Uncle

Something of a plus (?) is that he promised to send me any cute Japanese crochet books he comes across.  ::sniffle::

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 9 Weeks

I'm going to go ahead and start up the questionnaire thing I did with Little Man:

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 9 weeks
  • Total weight gain: +2 pounds (between appointments on July 5 and July 10)
  • How big is baby?: The size of a green olive and a weighs a fraction of an ounce.
  • Maternity clothes?: Not yet, but I have been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts with give. I really took it for granted how much I would be showing by now. Craziness.
  • Stretch marks?: No, but I know it's just a matter of time.
  • Sleep?: Fine until MyLovf snores really loudly...
  • Best moment this week?: We had our first ultrasound on Wednesday where we got to see the little one and hear the heartbeat. We also told our families!
  • Movement?: Nothing yet.
  • Food cravings?: I had a hankering for Vietnamese food; I totally got it!
  • Labor signs?: Nope
  • Belly button in or out?: Same
  • What I miss: I could go for a glass of wine, but it's not that big a deal.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next appointment. We'll be getting an NT scan and will be able to see the baby again!
  • Developments: From BabyCenter: Essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. The eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. Your baby now has tiny earlobes and it's mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Your baby's basic physiology is in place and is poised for rapid weight gain.
"Belly" pics!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

What a Day

What an awesomely fan-FUCKING-tastic day!

I've been thinking about what I wanted to post since yesterday, but all I hear in my head is Alan Jackson's Margaritaville... I don't know why. I haven't heard it in ages, but for some reason it popped into my head and will not go away. Good thing I actually like the song!

MyLovf called me at 10:00am and told me that he would definitely be able to make it to the appointment, so that started the day off with a bang. At about 10:30, my dad called my little brother and asked him to bring the other car into town so that it could be detailed, which was perfect because I had been puzzling over how to get him out there without looking suspicious. My grandparents left for California early this morning, so I didn't have to worry about them finding out and having my grandma tell literally anyone and everyone she came into contact with.

Everything was falling into place for the big announcement!

After the longest six and a half hours in the history of the world, we headed out to the office. We got there about 20 minutes early and they took us right back. Thank goodness, because my bladder was about to bust! I laid back on the table, the tech squirted the goo on my stomach, and the second that wand touched my skin I could see the little sac with the squishy gummy bear inside. She moved all around and measured this and checked that. She told me I have a small (4mm) cyst on my left ovary, which is completely normal and totally fine; it will go away on it's own in a few weeks. And finally zoomed in on the little one. She measured crown to rump and pointed out the little flicker of a heartbeat. What a sound! Hearing that beautiful woop woop woop banished all the anxiety, fear, and doubt I've been carrying around for the last month. I felt so uplifted!

I lovf how the yolk sac looks like a little halo above the head :)

BL#2 is measuring right on schedule at 8w3d and has a heartbeat of 180bpm. In comparison, I went in for my first u/s with Little Man at 8w4d and his heartbeat was 167bpm. The timing of our second u/s will match up pretty closely to what we did with LM as well. I'm very interested to see how similar that one will be. We'll be doing an NT scan at this one also where my previous doc didn't think it to be very important at all when I was pregnant with LM.

While we were sitting waiting for our follow up, we showed LM the u/s pic and told him he's going to be a big brother. He looked a little dubious when we said that mommy has a baby in her belly. I don't think he quite gets what's happening, but the look on his face was hilarious. At the follow up with the midwife, she was surprised that my LMP perfectly matched with the dating from the tech. I had to admit that I knew when I ovulated, so I adjusted the LMP I gave them by three days. I know I'm weird, but I don't like it when someone tells me I'm due on a day other than the 16th, even if we're only talking a day or two. She laughed.

After we left the office I called my parents to nonchalantly suggest that we have dinner out. Luckily they were down because I did not have a back up plan for telling them! We met them at their work and hung out while they closed out the day, then we headed over to our favorite Vietnamese restaurant. I was craving me some phở! I changed LM into the shirt that I bought him a couple of weeks ago that says Most Awesome Big Brother! and hustled him into the restaurant before the others got there. I was expecting them to see it right away; the shirt he wore to the office was a muted blue and the new shirt was bright-ass orange! Nope. No one even gave it a second glance. 


We ordered our food and I kept looking at LM to see if you could read the shirt, but the way he was sitting only the Most Awesome part was visible. The few times that you could read the whole thing, no one was looking at him. We were almost finished with dinner when LM spilled a little broth on his shirt and my little brother was looking! How did he not notice what it said!?

My brother leaned back a bit and my mom was looking over at them. I was watching her to see if she would get it. I could read the whole thing as she slowly realized what it meant. She had confusion all over her face when she met my giddy, silly grin across the table. 
"Oh yeah!" 

Cue tears and hugs. My dad and brother were still oblivious and asking what was happening so my mom stood LM up on his chair so they could read the shirt. I called my sister and told her the cat was out of the bag, then I called my other brother to tell him he's going to be an uncle again and wrapped it up squeeing with my SIL. 

My sister is already talking about coming to AZ in November for the shower. I pretended to be excited, but I'm not really. I'm not very excited about being six and half(ish) months pregnant and putting a dual shower together. Plus, I don't know how appropriate it would be considering this is my second and I saved pretty much everything from my first go 'round. If anything, it would be a sprinkle for me. She's the one that should get the shower. I guess these are details that will work themselves out. I have some time, so I'm not going to worry about it.

So! The news is officially out (although we are waiting till after 1st tri to make any kind of FB announcement) and I could not be happier! I taped the u/s pics to the lamp on my nightstand so it is the first thing I see when I wake up. 

Cute story: MyLovf was beyond adorable this morning. I was sleeping in a sports bra because our room has been getting pretty hot and was on my back when he said his goodbye before heading to work. He spanned my stomach with his big, manly man hand and also said goodbye to the little one. ::melt::

Now that we've seen what I needed to see, I'm gonna go ahead and start posting my "belly" pics. FB won't see any till I'm comfortable in that it's actually the baby and not bloat... This is week 5-8. Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Feeling Human Again

I finally got my Zofran prescription filled yesterday and oh my goodness, it has made such a difference! I still feel the nausea, but it's not nearly as bad as it was and I can get out of bed or off the couch without feeling like I'm about to toss my cookies. I'm having some disappointing food aversions though and it makes me sad. My grandma makes the absolute best ceviche in the world and I can sit and eat that stuff for days, but when she made it yesterday, I could barely choke down the few spoonfuls that I had in my bowl. It's not the most attractive food to begin with, so that didn't help. It also smelled gross and tasted off, but I know it was just me because the rest of the family gobbled it all up. The other day MyLovf made me breakfast and I couldn't eat my bacon! Oh bacon. Heavenly bacon. I could write sonnets about how much I freakin' lovf bacon.

'Ode To Bacon...


Now I cannot stomach the smell. Forget putting it in my mouth. I'm making some tough sacrifices y'all.

Tomorrow is our first ultrasound. I am equal parts nervous and excited. There was mention of a missed miscarriage on the board today and I felt like my stomach dropped out of my ass. It's such a scary thought. I hope we get good news. I keep having to stop myself from spilling the beans. I don't want to say anything to anyone until I know for sure that all is well.

T-minus 28 hours! Until then, deep cleansing breaths and distraction. Gotta go find something to keep my mind off of it.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

1st Appointment

My honey did end up taking me to the appointment yesterday. I was feeling a little better, but he felt like he needed to go anyway. I kind of wish he hadn't though because he spent the entire time talking about how much work he had waiting for him and could we hurry this up at all. We also had LM with us and he was not having one of his best days.

The visit itself went fine. The midwife we met with seemed really nice and I liked her right off the bat, but I'm not sure how comfortable DH was with her. He seems to be convinced that a midwife does not have the same ability as an OB would in regards to getting me through my pregnancy and then in L&D. I'm not sure how to convince him that midwives are more than capable and that I would much rather use a midwife this time around. We really only talked and went over our family medical history and got my blood drawn. She also prescribed me some Zofran for my nausea, but that somehow didn't make it to my pharmacy. She is supposed to call me today with results from my blood work, so I'll ask her about that when she does. I also have a follow up appointment on Wednesday for an ultrasound. I'm not sure DH will make it for that even though the receptionist went out of her way to find us the latest appointment available.

He's been getting on my nerves a little bit lately and there was a moment last night when I wanted to punch him in the face. I can't, for the life of me, think of a reason why he can't throw in a load of laundry if he's running out of underwear. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to start the washing machine and it's not like I wasn't completely laid out for the last few days...

Thursday, July 4, 2013

It's Different

It's definitely different.

I woke up a little earlier than usual so I could spend some time alone with my honey before LM woke up for the day (it's a rare thing to have him home on a week day). Usually, that means cuddling on the couch with cups of coffee and the Speed Channel on TV. Today it was him watching TV and me on the loveseat trying not to move and anger the nausea beast that has taken up residence in my gut. It has been years since I've thrown up. So long, I can't even remember when that was. That streak was broken today. Twice.

Besides an ill-advised shower, I have not gotten up from the couch all day. MyLovf was so sweet and went to the store for some M/S essentials. He's making me dinner right now, too. I hope I can keep it down. I also hope that I'll have enough energy to watch some fireworks later. Thankfully, we can see them from the house.

Maybe him seeing how violently sick I get will convince him to take the morning off so he can drive me to my appt tomorrow. I dread to think what could happen if I get sick while driving. So far, I've barely had enough time to get from the couch to the bathroom, less than 10 feet away. Ugh.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

7 Weeks: Still My First Milestone

I am 7 weeks along as of Sunday.

Five years later, it's still my first mental milestone. I miscarried Sweet Pea at 7 weeks, so I was pretty apprehensive the few days leading up to it. I am happy to report that ticker change day came and went with nothing concerning happening and no further spotting issues! Woot!

I was feeling pretty yucky last weekend and didn't feel like taking a "belly" picture, but I did take one for 7 weeks. I'm still a little superstitious though, so I'm going to hold off posting any of them until after we see the heartbeat. My first appointment is on Friday and I'll be seeing a midwife! I'm not really sure what to expect or if it will be different from an MD appt, but I'm excited. I was really hoping to be able to use a midwife this time around. The only sucky thing is that my honey couldn't get the time off to come with me. I'm toying with the idea of Skyping him in so he won't miss anything.

The bloat has been totally out of control the last day or two. I was forced to undo the button on my shorts yesterday! Hurray for loose and flowy tops! Beyond that and the tiredness, my symptoms have calmed down again. It was about this time with my first pregnancy that I started getting the all day nausea, so I guess we'll see if there's a difference.

In other news, my baby brother is out of training! He's leaving in two weeks for JAPAN, but I'm so thankful for the time we get with him before he goes. He'll be there for two.flipping.years. I'm excited for him to be able to go there, but sad that he'll be so very far away. I'm hoping that he'll be able to come visit periodically and we won't be completely without him for the entire two years. It's weird to think that Little Man will be six years old when he comes back and that BL#2 won't even have met him yet.

The following is another sister related vent, so you can tear off now if you want. You won't be missing anything...

She has been irritating me the crap out of me the last couple of weeks with her FB posts. All she ever does is complain! The other day she actually requested thoughts and prayers because she was... tired... and she doesn't "know if she can continue this way for much longer." It did make me chuckle when no one answered or even acknowledged the post. There was another one in which she states that she is convinced that the pregnancy is causing her to get carpal tunnel in her left wrist. Seriously? No way in the world it could've been caused by the hours upon hours spent playing her little computer game. Oh no. Never that. She also started posting pictures of her baby belly at 8 weeks. What's weird is that there is actually a belly there. Now, whether it's legitimately the baby, bloat, the four hamburgers she ate for lunch, or just her pushing out her stomach is, as of yet, unclear.

I wonder if I'm being over-sensitive though. Maybe having experienced losses and watching some good friends go through infertility disappointments for years has made me hyper aware of these kinds of annoyances. Considering that this is an oops pregnancy, I have little patience for her complaints about totally normal and mundane things. It makes me wonder if us being pregnant together will really be as fun as I originally thought it would be. Whenever she calls, it's usually to talk about something going on with her and she never so much as asks me how I'm doing. In one phone call, I mentioned that I was scared because I had been spotting for a couple of days and she completely glossed over it and changed the subject back to her. Ever self involved.

My parents, brother, and grandma are all on their way visit them right now. She invited my mom and grandma to her appointment tomorrow where she's convinced they'll be finding out the sex of the baby. She's 13 weeks. No one will listen when I say it's too early and that the u/s tech probably won't even be able to venture a guess, but wtf do I know? ::eyeroll::


If you made it this far, your reward is my most missed indulgence:

Yes, it's moscato. Yes, I lovf it. No, I don't care if you don't think it's "real" wine.