Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I Know

I don't mean for the majority of posts that aren't Ticker Change Day posts to be vents, but that's what I've been dealt lately. Sorry.

 My little brother and his family came over for the weekend so we could celebrate his birthday. I LOVE having them around. My brother and I have always gotten along well, his wife is pretty great, and my niece is adorable and fun. They themselves are not the source of my frustration, but their presence seems to always cause an ugly ripple in our house.

I half joke to people that my brother is my moms' favorite child, but there are things that I've taken notice of recently that make me believe that it might actually be true. It's like my parents forget I exist whenever they're in town and all consideration for my feelings flies right out the window. On Saturday morning they actually ditched me. No. Seriously. They took everyone else in the house out to breakfast and left LM and I sleeping. I woke up to slamming car doors and watched them pull out and drive away from my bedroom window. Sounds like a scene from a Lifetime movie, doesn't it? The night before they had talked about maybe going, but the last I heard nothing was set, so I didn't think to get up any earlier than normal. I keep pretty late hours, but don't have a problem adjusting when I have a little notice. I guess I wasn't worth the notice. I tried not to let it bother me; they at least left me coffee and my Bebe brought me the giant breakfast muffins from Costco the day before, so it's not like I didn't have anything to eat. I texted MyLovf at work about what happened and he called me back so angry. I admit it felt good to have my feelings validated, even if it meant that I cried for the next 10 minutes. And again every time I think about it. Including right now. After getting it together I decided that I would be ready to go when they got back for whatever else they had planned. I really wanted to spend time with my family.

So there I am. Waiting. And waiting. Two and a half hours later my dad and brother come back and ask to borrow my truck. They wanted to take my dad's new shotgun out and their Lexus is not exactly an off-road vehicle. I was expecting the girls to walk through the door any second, but they didn't. I asked my brother where everyone else was and he tells me that they went shopping. Ten minutes later the boys are gone and it's just LM and I again. They came back an hour and a half later weighed down with shopping bags. "Oh, well we tried to call you so you could meet us, but you didn't answer." I had no missed calls or texts and I had my phone next to me all morning waiting for that call. Pathetic. My SIL disappears to go feed my niece and my mom starts making lunch with my grandma. I didn't really want to be around my mom, so I sat down with a crochet project I'd been working on while they were gone. Next thing I know they're all sitting around the table eating lunch and no one has said a word to me. Not only that, but they didn't make enough food for me either. I mean... really? Am I invisible? We didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, so my getting all dolled up to go out was a total waste of time.

My honey got another crying phone call.

I'm not sure if this next thing is legit or if it’s just petty, but I can't remember the last time my parents gave me a really nice birthday present. It's usually a $25 gift card to Ross or something small, which I'm not complaining about (any present is awesome), but I can't help but feel like the caliber of gifts amongst us kids is not exactly equal. When he came back from the range, my mom handed my brother an envelope with $100 Macy's card inside and told him that she was also going to buy him an incredibly expensive set of sheets that he's been eyeballing for a while (which she did the next day). My birthday isn't until next month, but I'm not holding my breath for the same type of treatment.

I had such an emotional day that MyLovf felt compelled to stop on the way home from work to buy me flowers and wrapped me in a bear hug upon walking through the door. He was so mad at my parents that he wanted to sit them down right then and ask them what their problem was. I didn't want to get into it with everyone else there, so I asked him to shelve it. I don't know if that conversation will ever happen. I can't really talk to my mom without her turning my words around on me. I wouldn't be able to express to them how their actions were hurtful. Instead it would become a discussion about how my getting out of bed at 8:30-9:00 is inconvenient for them and I should be getting up at 6:30. They’ll “forget” that all they have to do is let me know the night before that they have plans and I’ll get up earlier. It’s not rocket science.

I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason” and there have been a couple of good ones that have come to light, but I wish so hard that our house purchase attempt in May had been successful. I’m ready to be out of here and into our own space again and that cozy little house was so perfect. Here, I feel more like a live-in maid/cook than a contributing member of the household. MyLovf is pretty fed up with the way I’ve been treated as of late, but understandably we can’t make another house attempt until his job situation is locked down. We’re stuck for now. In the meantime, I’ve been retreating to our room right after dinner feigning exhaustion so I don’t have to spend time with my parents. They remain oblivious to how badly they hurt my feelings this past weekend. It’ll come out eventually, but I doubt anything will change.


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 15 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 15 Weeks
  • Total weight gain:
  • How big is baby?: The size of a beefsteak tomato at about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2½ ounces.
  • Maternity clothes?: All day. E'ry day. LOL
  • Stretch marks?: No new ones so far.
  • Sleep?: Pretty good when I'm allowed. I seem to be offending people with the amount of sleep I need... It's getting pretty irritating.
  • Best moment this week/Milestones?: Spent three days with my brother, SIL, and niece. We didn't do anything special, but I lovf having them around.
  • Movement?: I've been feeling more and more throughout the day! So fun!
  • Food cravings?: I'm just lovfing food right now!
  • Belly button in or out?: Same
  • What I miss: I was watching an episode of Bar Rescue and was wanting to try all of the mixed drinks they were making! They looked so fruity and yummy.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our next appointment, but that isn't until Sept. 5.
  • Developments: He's busy moving amniotic fluid through his nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in his lungs begin to develop. His legs are growing longer than his arms now and he can move all of his joints and limbs. Although his eyelids are fused shut, he can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, he's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but he is forming taste buds.
Belly Pic!

I also thought it would be fun to do a comparison shot:

Pregnancy #1 vs. Pregnancy #2


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 14 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 14 Weeks
  • Total weight gain: +5 according to the bathroom scale, but I don't know how it measures up against the one at the midwife's office: starting weight was 126.
  • How big is baby?: The size of a lemon. From head to bottom, he measures 3½ ounces. It's bugging me that this week is a lemon and last week was a peach. The whole fruit comparison thing is kind of dumb considering how much fruit can vary in size. I'm gonna see if I can find like a sports ball comparison. That would make more sense to me.
  • Maternity clothes?: Yep
  • Stretch marks?: Just the ones I already had from Little Man.
  • Sleep?: Pretty good.
  • Best moment this week/Milestones?: 2nd Tri has officially started!
  • Movement?: I know I'm feeling something, although it isn't like the first time I felt Little Man. This time it's like my stomach drops; probably Tiny rolling over or something.
  • Food cravings?: None
  • Belly button in or out?: Still flat
  • What I miss: Meh, nothing right now.
  • What I'm looking forward to: My little brother and his family are coming for a visit this coming weekend. I can't wait to see my niece again!
  • Developments: Baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about ½ inch long) are more flexible and active.
Belly Pic!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 13 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 13 Weeks
  • Total weight gain: +2: starting weight was 126.
  • How big is baby?: The size of a peach at approx. 2½ - 3 inches long from crown to rump and weighs about 1¼ oz.
  • Maternity clothes?: Yep
  • Stretch marks?: Just the ones I already had from Little Man.
  • Sleep?: It's much better now that I have the Snoogle (no more sore back!), but I was woken up two hours earlier than normal this morning because LM woke up vomiting. I hate it when he's sick!
  • Best moment this week?: Hands down, watching the tiny one wiggle around on the u/s screen for a good half an hour.
  • Movement?: I SWEAR I felt something today! I was sitting on the couch crocheting a blanket (so not moving around too much) and I felt a couple quick little flutters. I've been paying attention all day since, but haven't felt anything else. MyLovf doesn't believe me...
  • Food cravings?: None
  • Belly button in or out?: Still flat
  • What I miss: Meh, nothing right now.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Knowing for sure if I'm feeling movement.
  • Developments: Fingerprints have formed on baby's tiny fingertips, his veins and organs are clearly visible through his still-thin skin, and his body is starting to catch up with his head — which makes up just a third of his body size now. Baby's body is covered with a soft, fine hair called lanugo. The toes and fingers are well formed and separate. Sockets for all 20 teeth are now in the gums. The ears have now moved into the correct position on the side of the head, and the eyelids meet and will fuse together. The kidneys and urinary tract are functioning now, so the baby begins to process and urinate small portions of the amniotic fluid that has been swallowed.
Belly Pic!

Friday, August 9, 2013

NT Scan!!!

I had a panic attack on Wednesday night. I was editing our announcement video and watching Friends, so my stress level should have been pretty minimal, but the next thing I know, my heart is racing and I'm sobbing hysterically. I have no idea what brought it on and it ended pretty quickly. I must've been more worried about the scan than I thought. I haven't had one in over seven years, so I'm hoping this was just a weirdo thing that happened. Not exactly a fan...

I really wanted to take a short video of the little one moving around, but the tech wouldn't let me :( Oh wells. The ultrasound went great, everything is just as it should be. The NT measurement was 2.1mm (anything under 3 is good), so the risk for Down's is extremely low. The placenta is in a good spot, so no worries there. The heartbeat was plugging away at 167bpm and growth is measuring exactly on time, so they didn't move my due date. I'll have to wait till next week for the blood work results, but I'm not worried about it.

It was so fun to be able to watch the LO on screen for so long. After feeling like absolute crap in weeks 7 and 8, my symptoms disappeared. I was a little worried that something might be wrong, but it looks like I'm being blessed with another easy pregnancy. The only real complaints I have now are RLP when I stand too quickly or sneeze and being tired despite the hefty amount of sleep I get. LO was bucking and rolling and having a nice little dance party; it's crazy to think there's that much movement going on and I feel nothing...

Waving hello

The tech asked if we wanted her to guess the sex. Hells yeah! She thinks we're having another boy! We're waiting until the anatomy scan before we pick paint colors, but that seems a little obvious to me. I guess we'll see if she was right in 8 weeks!

Between the legs from underneath.
The white arrow is pointing to what she was looking at.

After the ultrasound, I had a follow up with one of the midwives and asked her about the panic attack. She said that unless they're happening frequently, there's nothing to worry about. We spent 10 minutes with her and then ventured down the hall to the lab for yet another blood draw. Fun.

I told my grandma when we got home from the appointment. She cannot keep a secret so I didn't want to tell her too early and have her running around announcing it to the world before we were ready. When I showed her the u/s pic, she thought she was looking at my sisters'. Her face when I told her it was MINE was hilarious! Now that she knows I have two problems: 1.) She's crazy superstitious and believes pretty much every old wives' tale there is. I'm bracing myself for the next six months with her. I already got a side eye for the tiny cup of coffee I had this morning. I get the feeling that the smile-and-nod will be getting a lot of use. 2.) She's known since 6:00 o'clock yesterday and has already rubbed my belly half a dozen times. I don't like when anyone other than MyLovf touches my stomach, but if I ask her not to she'll get super offended and play victim and try to make me feel guilty about it. The best I can do is avoid situations where she would have access.

This is how I feel because I can't say anything.

And finally: I posted the announcement video on FB late last night. I never realized how difficult it would be just to pick the right music! I don't think I'll be doing any more videos. I would like to post it here because I am proud of it, but it has our last name in it, so sorry! You'll have to make due with the banner instead.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Ticker Change Day: 12 Weeks

Weekly Survey

  • How far along?: 12 Weeks
  • Total weight gain: ??
  • How big is baby?:  Baby is about the size of a plum, weighs about ½ ounce, and measures 2½ inches in length.
  • Maternity clothes?: YES!!! My sweet honey and my dad braved the triple digit heat to get my maternity clothes and Snoogle out of storage. It was miserable hot, but he knew I was getting uncomfortable in regular clothes (and didn't want me buying any more new stuff, LOL). Of course the stupid tote was up against the back wall with boxes and crap piled on top of it. They spent over an hour there digging it out while I stayed in the shade, kept them hydrated, and "supervised".
  • Stretch marks?: Not yet!
  • Sleep?: I got my first night with the Snoogle last night! I lovf that thing so hard! I just might use it forever :)
  • Best moment this week?: Being comfortable!!
  • Movement?: Nope, but there are times I pause to make sure before deciding it's gas or something else.
  • Food cravings?: I go back and forth between wanting sweet and wanting salty; usually the mood swings within 10 minutes...
  • Belly button in or out?: Still flat
  • What I miss: ...can't think of anything.
  • What I'm looking forward to: Our NT scan is on Thursday!!
  • Developments: Lots going on this week! From LiveStrong: Organs have mostly finished forming, although a lot of fine-tuning will take place over the rest of the pregnancy. Growth ramps up at this point and the fetus will triple in length between weeks 12 to 20 while also gaining enough weight to bring him to 30 times his current body mass. 
    • The eyes and ears of a 12-week-old fetus have moved into their correct positions now, giving it a more human appearance. The nose and chin will start to show some definition soon, too, and facial features will begin to become apparent. Fingernails and toenails have appeared on the fetus' tiny fingers and toes. The head at 12 weeks just about matches the entire rest of the body in size and the skin remains transparent, giving a view of internal organs.
    • The intestines, which have developed so fast that they were sticking out of the body and protruding out into the umbilical cord, now reside almost completely inside the body and the abdominal wall begins to close up where they once bulged through. The fetal bone marrow starts producing white blood cells and the kidneys begin producing urine this week.
    • Brain and nervous system growth in week 12 of fetal development involves the production of synapses that will facilitate learning in the months and years to come. The baby begins developing reflexes now as well. These reflexes include sucking, opening and closing eyes, opening and closing fingers, clenching objects like the umbilical cord and curling toes.
    • In week twelve, an unborn baby has now developed the ability to swallow and practices that activity by gulping in amniotic fluid. It also practices movement and can be spotted kicking, flipping and waving its arms if viewed on ultrasound. These movements can't be felt yet, however, since they remain too weak to notice externally.
Belly Pics!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Out of the 200s!

The ticker shows 199 days to go! Yay for being in the 100s :)