Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Holy Crap!

I'm starting my 14th week tomorrow and am officially in the Second Trimester! ::does a little happy dance::

AND it's New Year's Eve! We have friends coming over tonight, so I'll have to start cleaning and getting everything ready as soon as I walk in the front door. I still don't know what to make them for dinner, maybe cheeseburgers? I wish DH had told me sooner that they were coming, it was sort of a last minute thing, so now I'm going crazy trying to figure everything out. Not to mention that my parents are expecting us to come over tonight and celebrate with them! Normally, I would really like to, but we spent Friday-Sunday at their house and then met up with them again on Monday, so I'm kind of burnt out. I just hope I make it to midnight! I've been falling asleep on the couch at around 8 o'clock the last few nights. I'm going to try and nap for a while before they come over so I can have a little bit of energy later on. DH is going to the store after work to get me some sparkling cider because all we have in the house is wine right now ; )

I tried to enlist DH into taking some official Start-of-the-2nd-Trimester pictures, and he was game...but I fell asleep before we could take any. LOL So here are some more self portraits. I think I might actually be able to acknowledge that there's a difference this week!

 photo BellyPic14WksA.jpg photo BellyPic14WksE-1.jpg

You know you're jealous of my maternity jeans ::giggle:: So, bloat or baby? Or does it not matter since bloat would be baby-related anyway?

Monday, December 22, 2008

I can breathe again!

I just got back from our monthly appointment and I am sooooo happy to report that everything with the little one is just great. I am totally lovfing our doctor, he gives me an ultrasound everytime I go there. It's so great and so reassuring. I was a nervous wreck yesterday, imagining the worst, and now I feel so light : )

Baby was moving all around, kicking and waving and the heartbeat sounded really strong, so I am going to really try to stop worrying about everything and have faith that all is well. I think DH is going to go ahead and get me a doppler anyway though, because he saw how I was driving myself crazy. He said that if hearing the heartbeat whenever I want will keep me calm, then he's gonna find me one. Oh how I lovf that man!

Here's the little one!

Oh, and a small confession... I had myself so panicked last night that I took my last $tree test. It was still positive! LOL

Thursday, December 18, 2008

You be the judge

So here they are, my 12 week belly pics. I seriously don't think I've popped even a little bit. I think I just look pudgy. But you can decide for yourselves.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Realizations and Venting

You know how annoying and insensitive it is when people tell you to "relax and it'll happen" while TTC? Well, I've noticed that it's just as annoying and insensitive when people tell you to relax even after the glorious BFP. I've mentioned before how nerve racking it is to have no symptoms whatsoever and the responses I've heard are:

  • Don't worry about it. Just relax and enjoy it.
Every time someone says "don't worry" or "relax", I get mad. Given my history, I can't help but worry. You can't realistically expect a woman that has had TWO miscarriages NOT to worry about her pregnancy. And if said woman is worried 24/7 that there's something wrong with her baby, she obviously cannot just sit back and enjoy the lack of symptoms. Sometimes it's like I feel too good. I don't feel pregnant at all; no nausea, no bloating, no breast tenderness, no fatigue, I'm not hormonal, the cramping and Lighting Ute have stopped, and I'm not constipated anymore. Anything and everything a pregnant woman should feel, or could feel, and I have NONE of it. I am terrified that we'll walk into the doctor's office on Monday and find out we've lost this one too. The fear keeps me up at night. I hear the term "missed miscarriage" and my chest tightens and I immediately say a prayer for our little one. The fact that I have had no spotting or severe cramping does nothing to alleviate this anxiousness. The only thing that can help me now is seeing (or hearing) that heartbeat again. I've been thinking about investing in a HiBebe doppler, but thought that I would make myself crazy obsessed with it. Now I think it would help KEEP me sane. If I'm able to hear the heartbeat whenever I want, I know I'll make it through without landing myself in the loony bin.
  • Just wait, you'll get it really bad later on!
It bugs me to no end when someone late in their pregnancy, or who has had a child recently, tells a 1st Trier to "just wait" when they worry over a lack of symptoms. How self important some people are! It's been said over and over again on GP and BOTB that everyone is different. It doesn't stop being true when you move over to 1st Tri. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. One person will not feel the exact same way, or go through the exact same things, that another did. Just because you had horrible m/s doesn't mean that everyone will have it. It's like getting unsolicited advice from strangers; you don't know another's history or circumstance, and you can't tell the future. So you don't know if insert symptom here will show up for another poster later on down the line just because it did for you. I doubt my little rant here will make this stop happening, but I had to get that off my chest.
  • I'm sure everything is fine/will be fine!
Scary things can happen during pregnancy. Awful things can happen. I don't like to tell someone "I'm sure everything is fine" or "will be fine" because I can't possibly be sure. I know it's supposed to be reassuring, but I feel like a liar if I say that to someone who is scared or worried that something is wrong with her baby. I can pray that everything is fine, but I can't be sure of anything. Just like I can't be sure that all is well with our own little one...I can only pray.

  • Consider yourself lucky
I don't consider myself lucky. I might later on down the line when I make it to 2nd Tri (praying that I make it to 2nd Tri). For now though, no, I do not feel lucky. I feel scared. I feel uneasy. I feel anxious. I feel like something must be wrong. Lucky is the last thing I feel. Please don't say this to me anymore.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Hmm...I don't think so

but I could be wrong.

My parents, grandma, and DH swear that they see the belly coming in. My mom says that she started showing really early on when she was PG with me (her 1st), so I suppose it could be, but I'm skeptical. I think it's just bloat, or maybe it's just a little pudge put on from all the excellent cooking I've been enjoying lately. Maybe it would help me if I could just feel pregnant. The lack of symptoms and perceived non-baby-belly isn't doing so much for my confidence. I'm doing my darndest to stay positive and not worry, but I'm getting very anxious for my next appointment (next Monday)! I hope we get to hear the heartbeat this time around : )

Proof that I am trying to stay upbeat... I bought a couple of pairs of maternity jeans! I know, I know, you can roll your eyes and huff at me all you want, but my regular jeans were so uncomfortable. I couldn't take them digging into my stomach every time I bent over or sat down. I'm still wearing my regular work pants, they have a little more give. I've also been watching E-bay and have found a couple really good deals. I'm noticing that nice work pants are probably going to be the hardest things to acquire without spending a small fortune, so I'm starting early. Judge if you must!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

11 weeks!

The munchkin is the size of a lime this week! I'm not going to post the fruit pictures after all, seems kind of late to get started with that.

I've passed a completely symptom free week, and I have to say it freaks me out more than I let on. I am not by any means wishing to be miserable and sick all the time. And I know I should not worry about it and just enjoy feeling great...but... I need some kind of indication that the little one is still fine and just hanging out; something that says "Hey mom, it's me, I'm still here! No need to worry!" Most of the time I don't feel pregnant at all, just a little thicker in the midsection. I'm still checking for spotting every chance I get and I'm so so happy to report that there has been nothing, not a single little drop. That all by itself takes a huge weight off my mind.

My next appointment is on Monday, the 22nd. I called to find out if they would be doing an NT scan and they told me no. Since my blood work all came back normal, that I wouldn't need one. I know I should be happy that I don't need one, I just thought it was a routine thing they did anyway, so when they said I wasn't getting one I was really bummed. I was hoping to have a video of the little one moving around.

Here are my 11 week pics. The bloat went down a lot, but not all the way. I can suck in enough that there isn't any kind of bump, but I'm still needing to rubber band most of my pants closed. Someone asked me why I don't smile in these pictures: it's 'cause I feel stupid smiling at myself in the mirror. Plus, posing and holding the camera and trying not to look constipated takes all my concentration, nothing left for smiling ; )

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

So... I had a dream last night

that I went in to the doc for my "big u/s" and...get this... the machine they used was able to give us a crystal clear image of the baby's face. Like. It's actual face, not the 3d kind of image. It wasn't covered in gook or anything, and clear as if I was holding it in my arms already. AND it was a boy. AND he had DH's eyes (just like I'm hoping for). How crazy is that? I was looking into the face of my son and his eyes were open and following the light on the wand of the wonder machine. I was so pissed when my alarm clock went off this morning. I know I could've spent hours dreaming that dream! This is like the third dream I've had of "boy" and my grandma thinks it'll be a boy too (she has an uncanny ability to predict these things). Another month before we get to find out if our hunches are right!

Monday, December 8, 2008

The final milestone

Saturday, December 6th. The EDD for SweetPea. I could've been a brand new mama by now preparing our newborn for his/her first Christmas.

I had a melt down on the way home from work on Friday; I had to pull over to the side of the road 'cause I couldn't see. I think I was all cried out by the time Saturday rolled around. I took a short internet break (or else I'm sure this particular post would've been MUCH sadder) and we went over to my parents' house for dinner and to help them decorate their house. We stayed there till almost midnight putting up lights! We went and picked out our Christmas tree. I generally just kept myself as busy as possible so that I would be too distracted to think about it. It worked to a certain degree. Yesterday, my parents and baby brother came over to help me decorate since DH had to work all day. The house looks great, very festive : )

I'm so thankful for the baby we have today, even though it's hard to think that we could've been parents two times over already. We could be looking into the face our our precious one this very moment, or I could be trying my damndest not to scream bloody murder while I bring my child into the world. So many "could've beens". I pray every day that our little one is growing in there and I like to think that Peanut and SweetPea are watching over their little sister/brother and keeping her/him safe and sound. I'd better stop now before I start crying at work.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

25% done!

I'm 10 weeks today! Woot!

I've got nothing overly spectacular to write about this week, so I'll just tell you what I'm feeling.
  • The nausea has almost completely gone away, it's actually kind of nerve racking. I didn't throw up a single time. I'm hoping that I'm one of the lucky ones and it doesn't come to bite me in the butt later on.
  • My boobs only hurt if they get squished, the rest of the day they're totally fine (except for the occasional Lightning flash. They still haven't gotten any bigger : (
  • I'm exhausted all of the time. Doesn't matter how much sleep I get or if I nap during the day. I'm always tired.
  • I'm starting to get cravings. I'll think of something that sounds good and then I run out and get it. I haven't had one of those "I must have it now or someone will die" cravings, but I think it's funny that hotdogs will pop into my head on the way home from work and the next thing I know, I'm at Walmart buying hotdogs.
  • My abs feel like I've done a thousand crunches. They're so tight! The other night I couldn't stand all the way up because the pulling feeling was just too much. Go stretchy ute!
  • I've gotten some mild heartburn (thanks to said hotdogs) so I've taken to sleeping propped up on big pillows. That also helped when I was feeling nauseated, and it's much easier to get up in the morning if I'm already half way there!
  • Every little thing wakes me up at night. This is probably a major contributor to my exhaustion. I have to wear ear plugs now because I kept waking up to the slightest noise.
  • I'm getting more weepy. Every time I hear a remotely sad or sweet story, I tear up.
  • I get irritated a lot easier than before. My dogs drive me completely crazy now! They don't behave well enough for my taste. I'm trying really hard not to direct that at DH, but I still have my moments.
  • The constipation stage has started. My longest stretch so far is three and a half days. I don't like it : (
I guess that's it. Or, that's all I can think of right now... baby has stolen my brain and I easily forget things. I was going to start posting the fruit things that show how big baby is, but this weeks fruit is a prune. I don't like prunes, so I won't be doing this after all. According to my book, baby is 2.5 inches long from crown to rump. DH kind of freaked when I told him that last night. He was still thinking the babe is the size of a peanut! Wasn't that like two weeks ago? LOL

Belly pics I took this morning. I think I forgot to clean off the lens, so they came out kind of blurry. The bloat isn't so bad this week (I can actually button my pants today!) and if I press down, I *think* I can feel my ute. It's interesting.

Friday, November 28, 2008

It was so great!

We got to my mom's house for Thanksgiving at 8:30 in the morning. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to keep my mouth shut till right before we ate dinner (luckily, we ate at 3!). I spent the morning running around "documenting the day", so no one thought it was weird when I asked everyone to gather around the food so I could take a picture. Their reaction was so funny! They repeated what I said without realizing what it meant at first. It took them a bit before they reacted. Hilarious : )

Mom hugged the bloat, but it wasn't too weird and the rest of the family gave us hugs. Everyone was really happy and baby's health and safety was added to the Thanksgiving prayer. We told my brother and SIL over the phone, and we're waiting for DH's parents to come over in a couple of days to tell them in person. I think I might tape that one as well (though, I never take pics of them, so it might spark suspicion... we'll see). We're waiting to tell everyone else until Christmas. I'm really hoping that mom and grandma can keep it to themselves until then : )

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

OMG I'm so nervous!

I can't believe we're telling everyone tomorrow! It seems like just yesterday we got the BFP! I decided that instead of taking a picture of the reactions, I'm going to video tape it. My digital camera has a nifty little feature that allows up to 20 minutes of film. I'll be running around all morning "capturing the day" for my little sister (wink wink) who is in Boot Camp. She's been requesting pics anyway, perfect excuse right? So I'll gather everyone together for a group shot (only I'll really be filming) and tell them to say "Jen's pregnant!" on the count of three. I'm all giddy just thinking about it! Come on tomorrow! Hurry up and get here : )

Monday, November 24, 2008

Houston, we have a heartbeat!

DH and I went in for our second ultrasound this morning and got to see The Kid waving at us and his/her heart flickering away at 167BPM. The tech said that everything looked really good and even that I'm measuring three days ahead. He said since it was so close, though, that they would leave my EDD at July 2nd.

See the little arm? S/he was waving at us ; )

After the u/s, I left DH in the waiting room and went back for my first exam. I so hate these! The doc came in... followed by three other people! He asked me if I would mindAlign Center another doctor doing the exam; nope, no problem. Then he asked if it would be ok to have a new doc (an intern?) in the room to observe. I understand the importance of a teaching practice, but it was too many people for me, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I told him no. The intern didn't seem to mind, he just turned around and left. I felt kind of bad after, but I figure that I needed to be as comfortable as possible in an uncomfortable situation. Maybe next time. Sorry dude!

All in all, a great appointment. And now that we've seen the heartbeat, I know I will feel much better about telling the Fam at Thanksgiving on Thursday.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

8 weeks!

A full week past my latest m/c date! I am so beyond ecstatic about this, I caught myself humming in the shower and I'm smiling like a big 'ol goof ball : )


The boobage has calmed down. They don't hurt nearly as much now as they did in weeks 5 and 6. I can sleep on my stomach now! Yay! The cramping is still around; it comes and goes. I did have a couple rounds of Lightning Ute over the past few days, man, does that hurt! Glad it only lasts a couple of seconds. One that hit me last night had me totally paralyzed for a bit, I was too afraid to move and make the pain worse. The nausea I complained of yesterday is still here in force. I went out and bought some Ginger Ale last night, so hopefully that helps! I've also been super bloated, I swear it looks like I'm a lot further along than I actually am, people are starting to give me the side eye. You know that look people get when they think they know something and they're just dying to ask you about it? Yeah, I'm getting that one a lot. I try to suck in the bloat as much as possible but it hurts to do that! I get this weird stabby feeling on each side of my abdomen and it feels really tight. A couple of girls answered my inquiry on 1st Tri and said they've each had that too, so I'm chalking it up to pregnancy weirdness and not something I should be worrying about. The "spotting" from last week has not come back! Yay!

I guess that's it. 3 days, 22 hours, and 46 minutes till our next appt. where the doc will do a more comprehensive u/s. I cannot wait to see our little one again : )

Here are the latest belly pics. I dunno why I look irritated in all of them, I really was a happy camper this morning. I'm sucking in most of the bloat, and not succeeding very well... maybe that's why I look funny...LOL

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Puke Purgatory

I'm at that point now where I wish I would just puke and get it over with. I'm nauseated! From the time I get out of bed in the morning, till the time I drift off to dream land at night, I am on the verge of puking my guts out. But nothing happens, I don't puke, but I don't feel normal; I have no relief : (

This is not me complaining BTW. It's more of a curious observation. I've read that you should eat small meals and snack throughout the day to stave off the nausea. I've been doing that with no success, it's the same no matter what I do. I did find some measure of relief yesterday when I drank a Sierra Mist. I'm not very excited about drinking soda instead of water, but if it helps I may go out and buy a case of the stuff!

We get to see the little one again on Monday! I can't wait! I'm taking the whole day off of work so that I don't have to rush back. Pray for a strong heartbeat! AND I'm going on Saturday to see the Twilight movie with LittleBlue! It's shaping up to be an awesome couple of days! DH was so happy when I let him off the hook for that one, he really didn't want to go. "Tell her I said THANK YOU!!!" were his exact words. LOL

Thursday, November 13, 2008

First Milestone Reached

I'm 7 weeks pregnant today.

We lost our SweetPea at 7 weeks, so this is kind of a big deal for me. I wanted to feel happy to reach this day, but last night I had some very light spotting. At least, I think it was spotting. It wasn't really brown, more tan-ish? I don't know for sure what it was, which means that I don't know if I should be worried or not. I guess I'll just have to keep an eye on it and pray it doesn't turn into anything bad.

I'm hoping the increasing nausea is a sign that all is ok. I had to lay back down this morning after popping out of bed, oh the wave that hit me! I'm also needing to go to bed earlier and earlier. I used to stay up till all wee hours of the morning, my usual bedtime being 11:30 or 12:00, depending on what was on TV. Last night, I went to bed at 10:45. I just couldn't hack it. DH stayed up longer so it gave me a chance to fall asleep before he came in and started snoring in my ear! Even with the extra sleep, I am still exhausted and the circles under my eyes are becoming harder to hide. People are starting to ask me if I'm feeling alright.

Here are the 7 week belly pics. The bloat has gone down a little : )

Monday, November 10, 2008

1st Ultrasound!

OMG I was so excited I couldn't even sleep last night! Well, it wasn't so much the excitement that kept me awake as it was the Heavy Construction Equipment Parade going on outside our house! Stupid people, why the hell would they think it's a great idea to make that much noise at 3 o'clock in the morning!? Ugh!

Anyway, we got to the doctor's office a bit early to fill out a mountain of paperwork. Then, my doctor was running late; he was finishing up a c-section at the hospital down the street (he was telling us that he delivered 20 babies over the weekend! Wow!) His assistant did a quick ultrasound to show us the little bean, but couldn't really tell us much. She couldn't give us accurate measurement or anything so they're not even sure if the dates are correct. There wasn't a heartbeat, but neither the doc or his assistant seemed really concerned about it, he said it was probably just too early to see it. I have another appointment in two weeks where they'll do the dating and check the heartbeat. I can't wait for 11/24 to get here!!

When the doctor was done talking to us, he sent me down the hall to get blood drawn. Five HUGE vials later, I was running out the door. I hate giving blood. No, not blood, I hate needles! I couldn't even look when she was taking it, I was staring at the ceiling and biting my thumb to distract myself from the pricking. DH watched... he's so morbid ; )

So far so good. Keep sticking little one!

Friday, November 7, 2008

6 weeks!

I'm still feeling good. The cramping comes and goes, it's not too bad most of the time, but there is an occasional twinge that'll make me suck air in through my teeth. Those are few and far between, so I'm sure they're really nothing. The boobs are doing weird things. They're not bigger yet, which I'm actually annoyed with! I have little A cups and I want bigger boobs for once! Pregnancy is probably the only way I'll accomplish that, I don't think I'd be down for surgical intervention. I noticed a couple of very prominent veins on the sides and I have weird little bumps around one of my nips. I'll definitely have to ask the doctor about that. I've had some nausea, but it usually comes on at night. The day time has been very manageable, probably because I'm able to snack all day. I don't know how to account for the thirst. It seems that I can't get enough water, I always have a glass or bottle next to my hand. Combine that with the frequent pee trips and my days are super fun! My first doctor's appointment is on Monday! I called yesterday to make sure they would be doing an ultrasound. They are! I'm so excited! DH even managed to get the morning off to come with me.

I don't think it's hit him yet, he's still acting like nothing out of the ordinary is going on. I tell him I'm tired and want to go to sleep at 8 o'clock and he looks at me like I'm an alien. Hey! It's hard work to grow a person from scratch! I'm freakin' exhausted!

Obviously, not much has changed since last week... well, belly-wise anyway. It's still all bloat, but I think I could totally pass for 5-6 MONTHS PG and not 6 weeks. That is, uness I suck it in!

These pics are more for AWing my new haircut than to show the belly. Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Whispering to myself

"Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to me. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!"

"My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c."

So much sadness on 1st Tri today; I've been going over and over these in my head all day. I've only known about this little one for about two weeks, and I'm really trying to stay away from negative thoughts, but it's so hard! I'm freaking myself out, I've even taken to using panty liners so I can tell right away if there is any spotting (none so far, thank God). I'm getting so anxious for Monday's appt.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Lightning Boob

and lightning ute, and lightning crotch. I got em. Sometimes all at once! It hurts. I never had any of that before; I'll take it though, along with the nausea, if it means that the little bean is doing well. Seven days till my first appt. I don't know if they'll be doing an u/s then, I'm going to have to call and find out. With a history of m/c, this 'not knowing' thing has the potential to drive me slowly insane. I think I'll probably end up getting an at home doppler after 10 weeks so I can reassure myself without having to pay out of pocket for a doctor's visit. This is also about the time I started spotting with the last one. I get anxious every time I go to the bathroom, but haven't seen anything scary so far! Stay put BabyLovf!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

First Belly Pics!

I know, I'm psycho, but I couldn't let a ticker change day pass by with no belly pics! Who cares if I'm only rockin' some crazy bloat ; )
And check it out, I know how to keep my clothes on when I take a picture! LOL Here's me at 5 weeks!!

Thursday, October 30, 2008


The OB that I really liked isn't with the practice anymore so I had to schedule my appointment with a different doctor. I'm going in on November 10th, which will put me at 6w4d. I hope we'll be able to see the heartbeat then! I know it might be too early, but it would really put my mind at ease if I can just see it. DH is going with me too! Woot!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


**Update!! I got a call from the lab and my betas were at 706 at 14DPO! HOLY COW!!

I've noticed a couple of things in the few days since I found out about this new little one that make me truly believe that this is the one for us. This is our baby. This one is staying here with us.

A little background: We weren't trying when I got PG the first time; we were using condoms but I had been off BC for a while. I wasn't far enough along to have any kind of symptoms. The only thing that tipped me off was a late AF. I went back on the pill for a while after that. The second time I got PG, our first cycle trying, AF again was the first tip off. I felt "weird", but not sick, I had some cramping, but it didn't last very long at all. After a few days of that, I felt completely normal. Then the spotting started up and I knew something was wrong.

This time, I feel completely different. The cramping is more noticeable and has been around since before the BFP. I'm having trouble with certain smells and I get a little queazy if I think of something gross, I am super tired (almost to the point of falling asleep in front of my computer), I get dizzy if I stand up to quickly and sometimes in the shower, it hurts my belly when I sneeze, and the bloat is making it hard to button up my "not skinny" pants.

I also have this overall sense of well being. I was so happy the first two times, but this time I can feel the glow. It's hard to explain but I feel happier this time around. And more optimistic! I actually went to Target yesterday and bought a cute maternity sweater! I can totally use it before the bump comes in, it's not obviously maternity, but it has Liz Lange Maternity on the label and it made my heart happy to see that : ) I'm also stalking ebay for cute clothes I can use later on down the line. I know I won't need them till sometime in January, but I can't help myself!

Now if the stupid lab would just call me with my blood work, my day would be complete. Stupid people didn't note down that I have a history of miscarriage; it was supposed to be a rush! I should have that call later today and then I can schedule my first appointment. The doc I saw with the m/c in April said to call her ASAP with the next BFP so she could see me right away. C'mon lab! Hurry up!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Still PG!

LOL I'm gonna be one of those chicks peeing on sticks well after my initial BFP. Mostly 'cause I freak myself out easily, but it's partly because I like seeing that line pop up : )

I took another test this morning just to watch the results again. The line was darker than last time! Woot!

I realized that I didn't include any of my symptoms in my last post, so here they are:

- My boobs started hurting, really hurting, on Thursday, the 16th. They don't hurt as much now, but I do get a horrible stabbing feeling every now and then.

-I've had AF like cramping since Wednesday, the 22nd. It's been pretty constant since then.

That's it. I get an occasional bout of nausea, but nothing that sends me running to kneel before the porcelain gods : ) I'm sure that fun part will come soon enough though.

I also took pictures of the fortunes that I was telling you about in a previous post. Alas, I lost one of them, so here are the two that I do have:

See? The fortunes were messing with my head all during the 2WW. I was this close to swearing off of Chinese food!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Today I am Pregnant and I Love my Baby

I guess I should have allowed myself to hope. I got a BFP this morning!!! My temp shot way up yesterday so I knew something was up. Too bad I didn't actually LOOK at the BBT until after I had peed and taken a shower. I would've tested yesterday if I'd checked it first!

I got up this morning at 5:30 and went straight to the bathroom. The line popped up in like 20 seconds and was dark. Not like March when I took two tests and I couldn't tell for sure, so I'm really hoping that is a good sign. I took some pictures of the test and then woke DH up and told him that he's gonna be a daddy. He smiled at me and pulled me back into bed to snuggle. I had to get back up a little while later to update my ladies, they are soooo impatient! Gah! I also had to let Sniffy know that she has another Baby Mama! LOL I'm so ecstatic right now I can barely contain myself. I was actually a little surprised at my reaction to the + test. I thought for sure I would be more guarded, but nope, I'm bouncing off the walls. It makes me happy to know that I reacted the same way to this BFP as I did to the last one. Of course, I'm still worried, but not as much as I thought I would be. The mantras I found on SAL have really helped me to put it all in perspective. That's one of the mantras in my post title. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. Another one I like is "Hope does not make bad things happen. You cannot jinx your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!!" I am going to repeat these to myself as often as I need to.

Now I'm gonna call the doctor's office and demand a blood test. : )

Here's the HPT, no doubt about it!

Monday, October 20, 2008

I will NOT get my hopes up!

I will NOT get my hopes up! I will NOT get my hopes up!

This is so frustrating! I don't know how anybody does this for any length of time. I think I may go completely insane if this takes much longer.

Ok, here's why I'm freaking out... my boobs hurt. Like. A lot. They've been hurting for several days, which for me, is unusual. Not in my entire 26 years have my boobs ever hurt. Then there's my chart. It looks completely different from all the ones that have come before it. I O'd later than usual, and my post O temps are more level now than they've ever been. The stupid thing looks phenomenal! Only, DH and I had terrible timing! I'm 10DPO and driving myself batty. I must look at it like 50 times a day. Logically, we have a snowballs' chance in hell that I'm KU right now, but I can't help but be optimistic anyway! Sometimes, I feel like smacking myself just to snap myself out of it. And finally, the fortune cookies are conspiring to push me over the edge. That's right. Fortune cookies. For those that know my story, a fortune cookie practically predicted my BFP in March. It was eerie. I have gotten no less than three fortunes in the last two weeks that have overly optimistic messages about how our goal will soon be met or a happy surprise is on it's way...

4 more days till I can test. 4 more days till I can have some measure of sanity back. 4 more days till we can try again, and dammit, I don't care how tired he is, DH WILL be jumped nightly!