Cue Marge-like groan

I need to get out of my own head for like a week. That would be a useful skill for every 2WW I think. Frequent pee breaks today are raising my level of anxiousness. Little Man's BFP was preceded by painful boobs at 6DPO and AF-like cramping at 12DPO and right now, my boobs don't hurt.

I'm irritated with myself. I told DH that I wanted to make TTC#2 as stress free as I could and try to not let myself get anxious like I did the first time around, but that doesn't seem to be something I am capable of doing. I told myself that I was only charting to make sure that my cycles regulate and that I'm ovulating after having the Mirena in for almost 4 years and that after I was sure everything was fine, I would stop and "let whatever happens happen." Yeah. Not so much. I don't know who I thought I was kidding. I know myself better than that and to expect myself to not go all Type A on it was not a realistic expectation.

Seven more days until either AF is expected to show her ugly face, or I'm holding a pee stick with two pink lines on it. Lord help me; I need to calm down.

Round 4 of Denial

I spent a couple of hours yesterday designing my Little Man's birthday invitations. I sent the completed invite to my friend in IL for her opinion and she responded with "Those are cute, but he can't possibly be 4. No way possible. I think you are lying."

LOL

I couldn't agree more. He is such an amazing little person, but it's crazy to think that at this time in 2009, I was hugely pregnant with him.

Bah! I'm getting all teary and nostalgic. I need to go find something to take my mind off of it!

Great Start!

*note sarcasm*

A couple of days after FF gave me dashed crosshairs, it took them away completely. Probably because my CM is acting weird. Normally it does what it's supposed to do when it's supposed to do it, but this month  has seen very little in the way of change and I have not noticed the EWCM at all. I took out all the CM information and FF put the dashed crosshairs back.

I dunno what to think at this point. The O day it's giving me is early compared to past charts (although, to be fair, those are nearly 4 years old), but there is a clear temp shift, so I guess I did O that day. We had good timing, so I'm tentatively crossing my fingers. I'm unsure whether I should be excited about possibly getting pg on our first cycle trying because the last time that happened, I m/c'd at 7 weeks. I'm getting heart palpitations just thinking about it.

6 DPO today. Stupid 2WW.

Already? Seriously?

I realize that this is the first cycle since taking out my IUD, but seriously? Why is FF already being a bitch? I got a pretty little set of crosshairs this morning (CD11), but I'm dubious. They don't match CM or sex drive at all and I usually have some cramping and even occasional spotting around O time. I'm 99.9% sure that they'll get moved in the next couple of days. Why even put them there FF? Why?

Update: Now a few hours later, they're dashed crosshairs! *heavy sigh* 

*Blows off the dust*

Wow. It's been a while since I visited this little corner of the interwebs. I was trying to remember a date for something and knew that I had blogged about it once before recalling that I had written about it here and not on our family blog. Coming back and reading through everything again brought back so many memories! I used to really lovf keeping this blog, plus we're finally TTC #2, so I decided to revamp it and get back into the swing of things.

I'll just do a quick update on some of the things that were left up in the air for the past, what, three years? Jeesh, this is going to be long.

First, my relationship with DH is SO.MUCH.BETTER than it was the last time I wrote. We went through an insanely rough patch, but ultimately managed to work it out and now are stronger together than I think we ever were. I think we have figured out our communication issues and lately there hasn't been anything that I've been afraid to talk to him about. He was also able to find a new job that he really likes. The company we were both working for made for steadily worse working conditions and he finally got fed up with it. Luckily, he was able to make some awesome contacts and got a job that doesn't crush his soul...

 After two years of negotiations with our bank, we did end up losing our home. We were unable to find a rental to move into, so we've been living with my parents since May 2011. We recently tried to purchase another home closer to DH's work, but financing fell through on not one, but two different houses. We're taking a break for a couple of months before heading back out there. Having our hearts broken twice in one month was just too much for us.

My mother and I are getting along better (awesome, since we live together now), but there are still those moments when I want to strangle her. There are only two IRL out-of-state friends that know that we're TTC again and I'm hoping to keep it from her completely. I'm also pretty sure that if (God forbid) I were to have another m/c, I would not tell her about it. And she will definitely not know about any pregnancy until the first trimester is over... or until I can't hide it anymore...

I became an official Auntie in January! My little brother and his wife had a little girl who is just the most adorable thing in the world. Talk about sending my baby fever into overdrive! So now I have three precious little ones to lovf on besides my own :)

My little sister ended up coming to her senses and dumped that cheating SOB from Cali. She was discharged from the army because she injured her back pretty badly and is now married to a great guy and is living in Colorado. Although, they may be moving to AZ soon as they're both applying for positions within their company to come here. I am so.beyond.excited! It has been yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssss since we've lived in the same place. I really miss her.

My baby brother joined the Marines and graduated boot camp in January. He's currently in training at 29 Palms. I miss him every day. I'm close with all my siblings, but we have a special connection and not having him around has been really hard for me. The only comfort is knowing that he's living his dream and I wouldn't dare take that away from him. He is also my Little Man's favorite uncle (shh, not supposed to say that out loud) so he's always asking for him. He's supposed to be getting some leave time for Memorial Day weekend. Praying that nothing happens to keep him away.

Our little guy has changed so much since the last time I wrote about him. He's not only a full time walker *LOL*, but pretty much runs everywhere. And boy, is he fast! An accident while on vacation claimed one of his front teeth when he was two, so he's had a gap there for a while. He can speak in full sentences, and is talking A LOT. He even talks to his Aunties on Skype now instead of just staring at them :) He is big into UmiZoomi and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and is still totally obsessed with water. He'll be four in about five weeks and we're planning to have an early birthday party over Memorial Day weekend because all of my siblings will actually be in one place! Woohoo!

That's all for now. So happy to be back :)