Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Maybe I'm the one who's wrong?

I know I already posted once today, but something has been bothering me...

My mother and I got into a heated "conversation" over the weekend because I chose to come down on the opposite side of an issue.

A little background: my mother is best friends with my best friends' mother (did I lose you?) and she happens to be staying with my parents right now (long story). So anyway, my best friend, N, and her family came out from Texas to spend Christmas here. While N was here, her mother, M, did something that really upset N. She gave N's son, G, some coffee. G is two years old and hadn't had so much as a soda up to that point. The kid even gets watered down apple juice. So N tells her mom to not give G any more coffee. M responds that N needs to lighten up and that a little bit won't kill him and then proceeds to give him another sip. I think you can guess what happened after that.

I happen to agree that no one has any business giving a two year old coffee, especially if the child's mother says not to do it. At that point, it becomes a question of whether or not you're going to respect the parent and the way she chooses to raise her kids. Telling her to "lighten up", in my opinion, is disrespectful.

My mother came down on the opposite side stating that N blew the situation out of proportion and that she overreacted by yelling at her mom for giving G coffee. My mom also used the "it's not going to kill him" argument and is now starting to make it seem like N was the one in the wrong.

I know N is really upset that her mother trivialized her concerns and made her feel stupid about the decisions she's making with G. Now I'm upset because I see my own mother starting down the same path. I got upset when my dad gave Little Man a little lick off his ice cream cone. I don't like that they bathe him in the kitchen sink. I hate that my mother pushes formula over BM only because it gives her more opportunities to feed him. It drives me bonkers when my grandma makes Little "tell" me things; "Mama, my feet are cold, I should always have socks on." "Mama, I'm staaaaaarving, when are you going to feed me? Do you want Nana to give me a bottle?" " Mama, how come you won't let me stay the night at Nana's house? Don't you trust her?" And all of this in what is supposed to be a cutesy baby voice. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to yell at them to mind their own damn business and let me raise my son. I know the minute I say anything negative to them, they'll take it to the extreme and when I do need their opinion on something, they'll not want to give it to me because I'll "get offended". Why does everything have to be such a high wire act?

So loyal readers, what do you think? When my mother attempts to give Little Man coffee sometime down the line, do I say something or let her do her indulgent Grandma thing and bite my tongue? And at what point do you put your foot down and say "Not my child!"


MrsBro... said...

I'm with you both HisLovf.

Your friend had every right to be upset when that happened. And I would be super annoyed if my mom did the same thing to me.

To me it feels like they are belittling me as a parent when they do not respect my wishes/opinions on how DH and I raise our son.

I hope the New Year will give them a new perspective. ((hugs))

..R.. said...

Long time blog reader, first time poster.

My MIL does that crap ALL.THE.TIME.

I'm pretty sure she gave my 2.5 month old rice cereal when we let her watch him while we went to see Avatar. Even though she was with me at the pedi appointment where he said "no" to rice cereal when she asked.

And she does the annoying baby voice all the time. "Mom, we have so much fun when Grandma watches me? Can I stay overnight tonight?" "Mom and Dad, I don't need to be swaddled at night, its so uncomfortable." (He needs it).

So I picture her getting a bitch slap in my mind, the smile and ignore it.

Mary said...

I would definitely say something. Your child = your rules.

Jenifer said...

I agree. I would say something. My Mom needs to respect me as a mother and if I dont want Ian to have coffee at 2 (weird) or mcdonalds at 3 she needs to listen, respect that and move on. Ugh, it is hard though. I love my mother and she is my best friend but she too has her own ways of wanting to raise our son. She needs to get that Im the mother and thats that.

goeckie said...

I'm with Mary. It's your child.