Tuesday, December 8, 2009

So here's what happened

I know my last entry sounded pretty bleak, and then I disappeared for the weekend, but I promise I'm ok.

So here's what happened: I was sick as a dog for two days and had to stay home from work. And because M couldn't take Little Man to daycare, I had to care for him while sick. Not the most ideal "get healthy" scenario. He also couldn't take any days off to stay home and take care of me. He couldn't leave even a teensy bit earlier than usual so he could come home and help me out. In fact, the second day, he left at 6 o'clock, an hour later than usual. Upon returning home, he spent an hour in the bathroom (with his IPod, which leads me to believe he wasn't actually "busy"), and when he finally decided to grace us with his presence (not take the baby, but plop his butt in the recliner), I was hit with "Why are you still in your pajamas?" "Why didn't you do the dishes?" "How come you didn't start dinner?"

::deep breath::

Let me paint a picture. I had a monster headache, my body ached all over, I had the chills so bad my teeth were chattering, and I was completely congested. All I wanted to do was sleep, but with Little home, I was only able to sleep when he slept, which amounted to about two hours a day. So for him to come home and say all that and do all that... well, it pissed me right off. In his mind, I was home all day, so I should've been able to take care of all those things. Which on any other day, I would understand, but I was freakin' sick!! I could barely get up to change Little's diaper, I was not about to go wash dishes! We went back and forth for a good half hour, and he still didn't get it. Why is this concept so hard for him to grasp? I swear, when he's sick, it's like the end of the world. He stays in bed moaning and I have to take care of every stupid thing for him.

When Little refused to sleep that night, it was like fire icing on my Hell cake. M has a low threshold for frustration, so we had yet another yelling match; very conducive to getting a baby to sleep, no?

We never fought pre-baby the way we fight now. Does it really take a whole year for a marriage to rebound after the birth of a child? Anyway, we talked again the next day about everything I was feeling. I doubt it sank in this time, but at least I know he's aware of where my head is.

So, I'm feeling better now, but that could just be the passing of time; not necessarily because our situation has improved. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Do I keep talking, or do I accept that this is just the way things are going to be for a while?


goeckie said...

I'm sorry Lovf. W is almost 11 months and we still get into it. It's definitely not as bad as it has been. It is getting better but we still fight more than we ever did pre-baby.

Ex: 2 weekends ago he got mad at me b/c he had to watch W more than me ONE day. Well I had an appointment that day so he had to watch him. So sorry you had to parent your son. See ... I'm getting worked up. :-)

Mitzi G.!! said...

I am so sorry that things are so stressful for you right now....I say keep talking to him & telling him how you feel! If you don't then you might just explode on him one day & in my opinion that is worse.

You are in my thoughts & prayers!

flojat said...

Oh, my lovfer. I'm so sorry. I will never understand why when men are sick the world stops turning, but when we are sick, it doesn't phase them at all. I wish I could have brought you chicken soup. (And watched the baby, and washed your dishes.) (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Lovf! We get into arguments also, still, and they are worse than before we had Natalie. It took us counseling to get through it. Not that I think you need that, we just needed it to get better. I also had wicked post-partum depression that lasted about 10 months, so that led to a lot of the arguing. I hope things get better for you!

E said...

With us, it ebbs and flows. We go a couple of weeks where everything is perfect and then there's an explosion. Two weeks ago I actually thought Em was leaving. We NEVER fought pre-baby.

Hang in there honey. ((HUGS))

Rachel H. said...

I'm so sorry, and I know that this happens to everyone. I'm sure that we'll have plenty of moments like this, and I'm not looking forward to it! :(

Carly said...

i am sorry lovf. I think that a baby is one of the best but hardest things that can happen to a marriage. I would keep talking. It is better to have some fights and tears than to fall into a pattern that will make you truly unhappy all the time.
(( HUGS ))

Audrey said...

Um... I could have written this. I went through the same thing, sick and all, with no help.

Honestly, I think like E said, its peaks and valleys. And yeah, I do think it takes a year to get back to normal. I am still waiting for things to get back.

Just when you have a good day, something happens to piss you off all over again. They don't get it. And they never will.

Keep talking, if you don't, it will build up and you'll find yourself hating him. Even if its the same conversation over and over.

I love you and I'm sorry. I'm thinking of ya.

Margaret said...

You keep talking:) Things will get better I'm sure. Just be honest with how you're feeling... Not upset, just honest.

There will always be times when you and your husband get into it. Some weeks are better than others. Enjoy the good weeks and just try to work through the bad ones!

Sarah said...

Oh hon, that is sooooo frustrating and I totally know where you're coming from. I think it is important to have non-baby couple time. Maybe remove you both from the situation and talk about it at a future point.

Oh, and T acts like he is dying if he has the sniffles, let alone a real cold. I feel you.

In happier news, that montage of your belly pictures? ADORABLE.