Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I Know

I don't mean for the majority of posts that aren't Ticker Change Day posts to be vents, but that's what I've been dealt lately. Sorry.

 My little brother and his family came over for the weekend so we could celebrate his birthday. I LOVE having them around. My brother and I have always gotten along well, his wife is pretty great, and my niece is adorable and fun. They themselves are not the source of my frustration, but their presence seems to always cause an ugly ripple in our house.

I half joke to people that my brother is my moms' favorite child, but there are things that I've taken notice of recently that make me believe that it might actually be true. It's like my parents forget I exist whenever they're in town and all consideration for my feelings flies right out the window. On Saturday morning they actually ditched me. No. Seriously. They took everyone else in the house out to breakfast and left LM and I sleeping. I woke up to slamming car doors and watched them pull out and drive away from my bedroom window. Sounds like a scene from a Lifetime movie, doesn't it? The night before they had talked about maybe going, but the last I heard nothing was set, so I didn't think to get up any earlier than normal. I keep pretty late hours, but don't have a problem adjusting when I have a little notice. I guess I wasn't worth the notice. I tried not to let it bother me; they at least left me coffee and my Bebe brought me the giant breakfast muffins from Costco the day before, so it's not like I didn't have anything to eat. I texted MyLovf at work about what happened and he called me back so angry. I admit it felt good to have my feelings validated, even if it meant that I cried for the next 10 minutes. And again every time I think about it. Including right now. After getting it together I decided that I would be ready to go when they got back for whatever else they had planned. I really wanted to spend time with my family.

So there I am. Waiting. And waiting. Two and a half hours later my dad and brother come back and ask to borrow my truck. They wanted to take my dad's new shotgun out and their Lexus is not exactly an off-road vehicle. I was expecting the girls to walk through the door any second, but they didn't. I asked my brother where everyone else was and he tells me that they went shopping. Ten minutes later the boys are gone and it's just LM and I again. They came back an hour and a half later weighed down with shopping bags. "Oh, well we tried to call you so you could meet us, but you didn't answer." I had no missed calls or texts and I had my phone next to me all morning waiting for that call. Pathetic. My SIL disappears to go feed my niece and my mom starts making lunch with my grandma. I didn't really want to be around my mom, so I sat down with a crochet project I'd been working on while they were gone. Next thing I know they're all sitting around the table eating lunch and no one has said a word to me. Not only that, but they didn't make enough food for me either. I mean... really? Am I invisible? We didn't leave the house for the rest of the day, so my getting all dolled up to go out was a total waste of time.

My honey got another crying phone call.

I'm not sure if this next thing is legit or if it’s just petty, but I can't remember the last time my parents gave me a really nice birthday present. It's usually a $25 gift card to Ross or something small, which I'm not complaining about (any present is awesome), but I can't help but feel like the caliber of gifts amongst us kids is not exactly equal. When he came back from the range, my mom handed my brother an envelope with $100 Macy's card inside and told him that she was also going to buy him an incredibly expensive set of sheets that he's been eyeballing for a while (which she did the next day). My birthday isn't until next month, but I'm not holding my breath for the same type of treatment.

I had such an emotional day that MyLovf felt compelled to stop on the way home from work to buy me flowers and wrapped me in a bear hug upon walking through the door. He was so mad at my parents that he wanted to sit them down right then and ask them what their problem was. I didn't want to get into it with everyone else there, so I asked him to shelve it. I don't know if that conversation will ever happen. I can't really talk to my mom without her turning my words around on me. I wouldn't be able to express to them how their actions were hurtful. Instead it would become a discussion about how my getting out of bed at 8:30-9:00 is inconvenient for them and I should be getting up at 6:30. They’ll “forget” that all they have to do is let me know the night before that they have plans and I’ll get up earlier. It’s not rocket science.

I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason” and there have been a couple of good ones that have come to light, but I wish so hard that our house purchase attempt in May had been successful. I’m ready to be out of here and into our own space again and that cozy little house was so perfect. Here, I feel more like a live-in maid/cook than a contributing member of the household. MyLovf is pretty fed up with the way I’ve been treated as of late, but understandably we can’t make another house attempt until his job situation is locked down. We’re stuck for now. In the meantime, I’ve been retreating to our room right after dinner feigning exhaustion so I don’t have to spend time with my parents. They remain oblivious to how badly they hurt my feelings this past weekend. It’ll come out eventually, but I doubt anything will change.