Monday, April 20, 2009

100th post

It seems kind of fitting that my 100th post would be a sort of memorial.

Saturday marked one year since we lost our little SweetPea. Our teeny miracle was only with us for seven weeks, but s/he made such an impact on our lives. How two people can go from all consuming joy to total devastation in so short a time still boggles my mind. I miss our little one every day, and not a day goes by that I don't think of him/her and wonder what might've been. That experience makes me so thankful for what we have today. Little Wiggler would've been so loved without these events preceding him, but now he'll be loved not only for himself, but also for our two little angels in heaven. It's a comfort to think they're looking down on their brother and keeping him safe.

My mom and grandma did a lot to keep me sane on Saturday since my DH had to work. They took me shopping, bought me lunch, and just generally kept me busy. I'm so thankful that they were around, I'm positive I would've been a mess if I'd been left all alone with my thoughts. I tried not to spend time dwelling on things, but they inevitably pop into your mind. Things like, our baby would've been four months old by now. I wonder if it was a boy or a girl? Would we have settled on the same names we chose this time around? Would s/he have daddy's eyes? Mind numbing, heart wrenching things that, in all seriousness, I would rather not think about at all. I don't want to go back to that place I was a year ago. Just the memory of the physical and emotional pain is draining. Of course, it's not like I can shut off my mind, and SweetPea deserves to be remembered, no matter how hard on us it is.

Mommy will always love you sweet babies. And one day, I'll hold you both in heaven.

4 comments:

Heidi said...

I loved this post today. It was so sweet!

Shannon said...

Thinking of you and Sweet Pea (((Hugs)))

Scullyhoyy said...

((Hugs))

Ro said...

((BIG HUGS))