Monday, November 23, 2009

Mocha Frappacino kind of morning

Yes, that IS an iced coffee beverage from Starbucks. And was worth every penny of the $3.45 that it cost. And it doesn't matter that it's 44 degrees outside. Because last night was the night from Hell and I need caffine to function.

Little decided that he wanted to keep everyone up last night. So now I'm running on probably two hours of sleep. I don't know what was up with him. He wasn't hungry and he wasn't dirty; yet he (maybe he's teething)? I think there were actually tears at some point, but I'm too tired to remember clearly. What I do remember is M taking him out of the room because he was afraid that I was gonna lose it and hurt him...

Yeah. Nice huh?

For some reason, if I'm anything less than 100% cheerful, M goes straight to the worst case scenario. Two days after Little came home we were having a similar bad night (because we did not know about this). I was exhausted and frustrated and he wouldn't stop crying; so then I started crying and M became convinced that my tears were because I had post partum depression (I didn't). Him suggesting that really hurt my feelings and made the whole situation worse. It made me feel like I didn't have my partner, ya know? Like I didn't have anyone to lean on. I felt hopeless and like I was already a failure at being a mother. It was like that again last night. Yes, I was tired as hell. Yes, I was totally frustrated. Yes, I yelled at my baby to please, please go to sleep! But I would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt him!

He took Little out of the room and tried to get him to sleep. An hour later he brought him back in because he was still fussing. I popped the boob into his mouth and he finally fell asleep! At 3am M tried to apologize for what he said. I told him that we needed to talk about it in the morning, but I wasn't really to forgive him. He got all pissy. He was mad at ME for not forgiving him for hurting MY feelings! I told him that I wasn't ready to talk about it and crashed.

He apologized again this morning and we talked about it and I forgave him. I hope that he understands how I feel now and doesn't do it again.

And I REALLY hope that I can make it through the day without falling asleep at my desk... or on the freeway!

ETA: If you all wouldn't mind, could you please add my friend LB to your prayers? I think she could use some cosmic hugs and good thoughts today. Thanks!


Rachel H. said...

I'll add your friend to my prayers, and I hope your day gets a little better and you'll be able to relax and get some sleep tonight! :)

The Pacheco's said...

I can relate to what you are going through, our son has not STTN for a month now and will get up anywhere from 4-7 times a night and just want to be held. It was driving me crazy at first now I just kinda do it :( I am just anxiously waiting for the day that this phase passes! Good luck and your DS is adorable!

Eclipsed said...

I had a horrible night last night too! Hoping tonight is a better night...for both of us.

Annie said...

just came across your are beautiful girly and little babe is too cute!
i hope you are having a much better day today and that last night was a great night.
T&P's are with your friend.

Sarah said...

Oh hon, I've so been there and it SUCKS ( it's so hard sometimes.

In the end it is worth it and things work themselves out. Until that day, enjoy your Starbucks coffee; you earned it.