Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Realizations and Venting

You know how annoying and insensitive it is when people tell you to "relax and it'll happen" while TTC? Well, I've noticed that it's just as annoying and insensitive when people tell you to relax even after the glorious BFP. I've mentioned before how nerve racking it is to have no symptoms whatsoever and the responses I've heard are:

  • Don't worry about it. Just relax and enjoy it.
Every time someone says "don't worry" or "relax", I get mad. Given my history, I can't help but worry. You can't realistically expect a woman that has had TWO miscarriages NOT to worry about her pregnancy. And if said woman is worried 24/7 that there's something wrong with her baby, she obviously cannot just sit back and enjoy the lack of symptoms. Sometimes it's like I feel too good. I don't feel pregnant at all; no nausea, no bloating, no breast tenderness, no fatigue, I'm not hormonal, the cramping and Lighting Ute have stopped, and I'm not constipated anymore. Anything and everything a pregnant woman should feel, or could feel, and I have NONE of it. I am terrified that we'll walk into the doctor's office on Monday and find out we've lost this one too. The fear keeps me up at night. I hear the term "missed miscarriage" and my chest tightens and I immediately say a prayer for our little one. The fact that I have had no spotting or severe cramping does nothing to alleviate this anxiousness. The only thing that can help me now is seeing (or hearing) that heartbeat again. I've been thinking about investing in a HiBebe doppler, but thought that I would make myself crazy obsessed with it. Now I think it would help KEEP me sane. If I'm able to hear the heartbeat whenever I want, I know I'll make it through without landing myself in the loony bin.
  • Just wait, you'll get it really bad later on!
It bugs me to no end when someone late in their pregnancy, or who has had a child recently, tells a 1st Trier to "just wait" when they worry over a lack of symptoms. How self important some people are! It's been said over and over again on GP and BOTB that everyone is different. It doesn't stop being true when you move over to 1st Tri. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. One person will not feel the exact same way, or go through the exact same things, that another did. Just because you had horrible m/s doesn't mean that everyone will have it. It's like getting unsolicited advice from strangers; you don't know another's history or circumstance, and you can't tell the future. So you don't know if insert symptom here will show up for another poster later on down the line just because it did for you. I doubt my little rant here will make this stop happening, but I had to get that off my chest.
  • I'm sure everything is fine/will be fine!
Scary things can happen during pregnancy. Awful things can happen. I don't like to tell someone "I'm sure everything is fine" or "will be fine" because I can't possibly be sure. I know it's supposed to be reassuring, but I feel like a liar if I say that to someone who is scared or worried that something is wrong with her baby. I can pray that everything is fine, but I can't be sure of anything. Just like I can't be sure that all is well with our own little one...I can only pray.

  • Consider yourself lucky
I don't consider myself lucky. I might later on down the line when I make it to 2nd Tri (praying that I make it to 2nd Tri). For now though, no, I do not feel lucky. I feel scared. I feel uneasy. I feel anxious. I feel like something must be wrong. Lucky is the last thing I feel. Please don't say this to me anymore.


Scullyhoyy said...

I totally understand what you are saying.

Rsgrl said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. Especially when I have no m/s and people say "oh, really. You know m/s is a sign of a viable pregnancy." I've heard that one soooo much and it does not help! So, I definitely get the frustration and worry you're feeling. Hang in there, hun. And GL on Monday! I can't believe you already have less than 200 days to your EDD! :)

flojat said...

I hope everything goes well on Monday. I think the doppler is a great idea! I can only imagine the emotions you're going through right now...((hugs)).

Elisa said...

lovf-er, i'm praying everything goes okay for you on monday. hopefully the emotional roller coaster calms down for you...((HUGS))

Andrea said...

I know exactly what you mean. I never tell people "It will be fine" now because I know that there's a possibility it won't be. I can say that I will pray, and I will be praying for you! I would be worried too, I don't blame you for feeling these things.

♥RedRose101307♥ said...

:::HUGS for my lovfer:::